the greatest battle ever isnt fought on a battlefield but within
ourselves

whenever you think of battles, you think of the army and soldiers.

whenever you think of battles yout hink of bloodspills and war.

whenever battle is mentioned you think of death.

whenever you think of battle you think of a battlefield.

But let me tell you one thing.

not all battles are fought on the battlefield.

in every battlefield, there is a commander.

did you know that in every commander, there is a battlefield?

the greatest battle ever fought did not occur in Iraq or Japan.

it goes on for years yes, but it lies in all of us.

everyday there is a battle going on inside ourselves.

every minute our bidy is fighting an all out war.

A battlefield goes on inside of me. A war.

controversy, contradictions and conflict.

there is no need for killing. no need for bloodshed.

just your confidence and will.

and when you attain victory here,

it is then that you can say,

i have fought the greatest battle there can ever will be,

.....and i won...

Prof. Khad

MBBS. PhD in Bitchiology

ICA OVER!!
WAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!so happy together.. and hols are coming up before exams.. but i dont give a damn.. ICA is over olredy! we did olrite but yeah.. im glad it's over olredy.. so now in com lab of course listening to zaizai song of course and blogging in oltogether. in touch with justice league and happy all about it.. found some new cool picxs of him and sesshomaru.. im going home soon and im so happy about it im going to jump for joy right now.. im glad that it's all over!!! thank you team green. Malliga, Ila, Ain, Qin Fang, Miao Yi, Jason and Me of course.. today is SAM's birthday.. HAPPIE BARFDAE SAMANTHA!!

Kat out..
MBBS

hello moto.
like the phrase hate the brand. but never mind. i didnt go and watch the darn movie that day cos something came up. but might be watching movie this friday with the gals and planning for a trekking session during the hols after the camp. stress relief exercise lah. wahaha. exams are coming up already. havent really start studying but will start soon. dont worry. kekez.. card finishing soon olredy. right now im in school. this week has been very hectic and tiring. im mostly sleeping at home nowadays. im that shacked! not shagged. lecture just now qas comical with shikin scarming along with dumb but comical jokes. i swear that woman drives me up the wall but she's nice. and crazy did i mention crazy? she's a lunatic. a cute lunatic thou. okay.. been really tired these days and i cant help but sleep. dad's going back to work tmr. and tmr i have ICA. i woke up late for school today wuld you believe it? for an 8 o'clock lecture, i woke up at 0715. sick or wat? imagine the rush. took the cab. dropped at school. didnt run. bumped into ain along the way. that's y i didnt run. cos i wasnt that late. other than that everythign else is peachy.. thanx for asking.. will update a poem i wrote a couple of days ago.. see ya..

Prof Khad.
MBBS

hi baby..
wahaha.. lovely weekend.. great monday morning, great day at school. now in the lab of course doing project stuff again. members are here too and well. Black Hawk Down yesterdae was so cool i cried at some parts. but it's ok. haha. dad is at home. he sprained his ankle on friday on saturday i brought him to TTSh. Cute doctor Daniel tan.. hehehe.. anyways.. he rested at home for the weekend and coming till wednesday. going to see finding neverland today after school if everything goes well..

see ya then.
Khad
MBBS

goodbye nanyang polytechnic
hello people.. here in com lab with my "bestest pals".. miss nanyang.. wahaha.. somehow i think that.. urgh nevermind. we're doing our project right now and doing compilation.. im with ain and gang.. never mind that.. so darn bored.. a day to go to CNY..
Gong Xi Fa Cai!!

khad

goodbye world.
hectic weekend. nick's in CGH with dengue fever. im in school with GP III. supposed to be a rehearsal but dumb jason aint here. so postpone. we have tutuorial after this. ICA this wednesday. wahaha.. nana gave me bangs on my forehead. yep she cut my fringe. i look like a DOLL!! heavens sake. so not me. i think ms kamala is going to kill me if i end up in the same attachment with her again and she sees it.
anyways..we were posing for a "photo shoot" yesterday in my room.. steamy pics and funny poses.. from nana. not me.. haha..
ok thats for it..

prof khad out.
MBBS PhD Khadiology

Heelloo...
in school. done with CBT bandaging. viewing zai zai pics and jasmine is beside me right now and so is pei fen, sally, malliga & jason. the other 3 stooges are having lunch. i had mine already earlier so im not hungry. listening to the cd right now too and so bore so i tot or blogging in. jas's new obsession is with this fella called SKY.. Oops.. She's into Kenny Kwan. quite cute actually.. SHE's SKY high. hahaha... anyway.. school is so tiring.. i dont even have energy to fold my clothes at home. there's a pile. i dont know when to finish it actually.. i invited ila to my house on saturday for the project.. she's agreeable.. so tht's set then.. friday meeting kumar to go down to school.. YUYING here comes MISSY KHAD!!

Yours,
Prof. Khad
MBBS. KHADIOLOGY

Sometimes late at night..

sometimes late at night.. i lie awake..
dreams are all so fake and confusing.
but that's not the point here. i'm in school right now and NYP is having an open house today and tmr...cool? it's alright. school is flocked with kids from secondary schools today.. they are a mess man.. never seen such horror..hahaha.. sorrie kids.. Xue Jie here doesnt like massive invasion. what more a multiple invasion from small earthlings.. hahaha.. ok never mind.. will soon get to meet you guys and hope u guys are nice pple. ok that's all..

Prof.Khad.
MBBS.

Hello! Hello! Hello!

finally updated my blog and im super happy about it. new songs.. new background.. new me. sesshomaru seems so me. becos i have been down so long. finally things are looking up and im bright about it. evanescence rocks and althou there's no more inuyasha, i'll buy the VCD instead. darn helsing. stupid anime compared to INUYASHA. but never mind. im all smiles i dunno why.. maybe becos of mark. thanks baby. my friends are all around me. sun is shining brightly over my head im glowing!!

khad.
Muacks.

School Started!

everything is going haywire! school has started and i am so stressed up olredy and it's only the first week of the semester. the timetable is so hectic on top of everything else, so much has changed. that much. home life has been going great and so has friendship but errr... something is not right somewhere and i dont know what to do about it. i dont even know where the problem lies.
there's this thing with the tsunami disaster. it shows there is still love and care in the world. i m ambivalent about this disaster. im partly happy because on one hand, it eliminates the world's attention on war and focuses on helping the people affected by the disaster, which is SOOOO much better isnt it? on the other hand, it destroys home, families and happiness of all the victims. recovering from the trauma would be a hefty task.
then again.. im in school! i olredy bought the DARN MARS vcd. costed me a F***ing $50.00 sia. but i liked the show and i watch it everyday.almost. im still watching inuyasha.. loving it always..
ok.
so im quite happy right now. for the moment. dont know how long it will last but i'll enjoy every minute of it so long as it's still around..

signing out,
lurvin..Mr Kelly
DaXiaoJie
Khad

DaXiaoJie Goes Anime Craze!

wassup big A!!
i am so into anime right now. especially INUYASHA. the cartoon is so hip and funk man.. you should watch it yourself. ARTS CENTRAL: 2330. I know it's a lil late for children so not for me. YEAH! The anime series rocks like hell. aLL in favour say ANIME! haha. i own a VCD series but it's not complete yet. cos im still looking for "MARS" the VCD series starring ZaiZai & Da S of Meteor Garden. Anyone with info on where i can get them.. pls pls pls email me: khadradcliffe@hotmail.com subject: MARS FOR KHAD. like that. other than that life has me smiling always these days and i'm loving it. back to school soon and im fanatical about it. wahaha. anyways.. remember if anyone reads this and knows where i can get MARS the VCD not CHOCOLATE.. email me. i'm searching always. i guess im smiling becos of mark. nice guy. perfect qualities. he's a god. a goofy one thou.

Loving Inuyasha & Kagome,
ZaiZai & Da S
Forever...
oh yeah.. and mark too


khad

hello world

hello world. guess who's back?

sorrie for not blogging in for a long time. things have been super crazy for me right now and i dont have any explanation for it. well mark has been in contact. which is the only great thing in my life right now. everything else is peachy. friends are olright. family is going haywire and i am going nuts. maybe i am nuts. hahaha. i miss mark like crazy. mark if u are reading.. hi baby! missed ya voice and well.. i missed you. [muacks]. hello dublin! happy christmas to you. jingle into a blessed 2005 mark. be happy always. any way back to singapore, the weather is a havoc here, one minute rainy..the other sunny..just like my moods. i got my mobile back. my computer's crashed! damn thing olways screws up whenever i needed it the most. im at school now. with ain. ET and CATWOMAN visits NYP for A Festive Greeting. okay..im into INUYASHA these days. it's a cartoon. japanese anime. it's cool granny has yet to coem back from holiday. i miss her alot.. i have no one to disturb when she's no around. love her...miss her.. i went shopping with my parents this week and i m so dead beat..so is my wallet.. it's $0.00 in my wallet right now. talk about broke. well..monay is not the problem right now.. nothing is. so im quite happy..im stress free.. i miss mark...miss mark and oh yah i olmost forgot... I MISS MARK A KELLY!!!!!

Prof. Khad. MBBS. PhD In Bitchiology
SHE'S BACK!
University Of Gotham Cats.

<>

i have no idea what i'm living for!
u see sometimes i think and i wonder about what the hell im doing on earth. i cry for no reason sometimes. i know it's stupid. well maybe im stupid. i dunno. at times im happy and the next moment im burying my head in my hands and weeping my eyes out. perhaps im going crazy. or maybe im olredy crazy. *sighz* i cant seem to keep track of anything right now and i know i am happier on my own but it's just that i'm not used to be on my own. what happened to the old me? what happened to good ol' bitchy khad? im a damn good actress and this is my play. everyone else is my puppet. if everything was alright, i'd be happy. then again, i dont know what im not happy about in the first place. serious? tell me about it. i jus wanna sit down and just talk to myself but im not able to do that you know why? becos everybody thinks khad/kat is happy. thinks that kat/khad doesnt care. that im strong and that i can do it on my own. well YOU ARE SO DEAD WRONG! im the weakest person you can ever meet. it's just an act this bravery. inside actually im very weak. VERY WEAK. i cry alot. im miserable. but i dont want anyone to know. if u think you know me...YOU ARE SO WRONG. SO WRONG. there isnt a person on this face of the earth that i have been honest to about how i feel and what i'm thinking of. NO ONE. Not as long as you are human or breathing or alive. NOPE.

Life's confusion led KAT to killed KATHY.

Kathy died for a reason.
kit’s birth was a mistake.
the two never could co-exist.
the truth is, Kat killed Kathy.
the story goes like so..

everyone loved Kathy because she loves everyone.
she falls in love, she falls out of love.
she gets hurt, she cries then she loves again.
she loved all her friends and always wanted them to smile.
Kathy became a toy to all her friends.
she listened to all of them.
got into trouble for them and she still loved them.

Kat’s birth was a mistake in the first place.
one that never should have taken place.
a deceit. a lie. a despicable lie.
but this mistake had a purpose in life.
she hated all that had to do with love.
Kat perceived love to a weakening factor.
something which takes away someone's will.
love deprives one the strength and determination.
that was what Kat perceived love to be.
that was why Kat hated Kathy.

Kat thought Kathy was weak. she did.
Kathy was always crying about love.
worrying about love. being happy about love.
happy about something that was going to make her cry.
Kat thought Kathy was stupid. she did.
falling in and out of love. day in day out.
always in search of something that will break her.

one fine day, Kathy fell in love. deeply in love.
she was happy for quite awhile.
Kat thought she'd give up the chase and let Kathy settle down.
so Kat left. feeling some what dissatisfied. she doesn’t know why.
Kat left miserable. because she has lost her direction. she did.
now that Kathy was settled, Kat gave up.

another fine day Kathy jus had to fall. she did.
Kathy fell out of love. seriously broken.
Kathy cried and broke. she did.
she was so weak she could hardly stand.
she cried so much she could hardly breathe.
she was so tired she could hardly sleep.

Kat didn’t leave Kathy to settle only to see her get hurt again.
Kat got angry. she got very angry.
why did Kathy have to have a heartbreak?
it made life difficult for herself. it did.
Kat couldn’t stand weaklings so she despise Kathy.
so much that it caused a rage within her.
so much that it burns her black when she sees Kathy.
so much anger did she have for Kathy. she did.
storm brew within Kat. a war broke out too.
she got so confused she was infuriated.

Kat was infuriated beyond imagination.
glasses smashed with burning rage.
arson bleached and engulfed Kat’s mind.
she cannot distinguish right from wrong.

Kat fled to a wilted Kathy. she did.
not a moment to lose. Kathy was dead in a matter of seconds.
she lay in a pool of blood. Kathy did.
Kat’s hand was stained with Kathy’s blood.
all over. Kat sat down pondering and smiling.
it was all over. Kathy was dead. no more tears.
hahaha. an evil crackle rang in Kat’s head.

I’m in control. Kathy is dead. she died for a reason.
a reason only she and Kat knew.
a secret which only the two of them knew.
a shared past now that Kathy is dead.

now that Kathy is dead, Kat will be Kathy.
Kat is Kat, but she will take Kathy’s place.
Kat will take Kathy’s place with her own twist.

Kathy died for a reason which only Kat knows,
Kat’s birth was a mistake which only Kathy understands.
do you?


Prof.Khad.MBBS.PhD.
University of PsychoSadisticism.
Gorham City
Copyright of Cat-Puter TM

Prof.Kat with dumb diarrhoea.ICA-HS1027. a job well-done for my group.cheers guys
Prof.DaXiaoJie

<>

you left, again and there is absolutely nothing i can can do.
but to stare at night skies and wonder.
wonder is this is the end for us. the end of us.
day by day we drift further apart.far apart.
you keep running off, i keep running after.after you.
it's cold , painful and lonely without you.very cold.
like all life has been taken away.there is no point.

why cant we be like before?loving and loved.
have you found another?or are you tired of me?
this time i wont cry.my resilience will take me thru.
i'll run thru sonatra like i did.like i did before.
sonatra cannot stop me from living.neither can you.
kathy died for a reason. kat's birth was a mistake.
nevertheless i dont regret.not in my vocabulary.
i'll overcome everything that stands between us.everything.
even anyone, even sonatra, even time. even you
time has taken sonatra into it's clutches.tightly.
sonatra embraces me.i try running away.
trapped in a world, not mine but none.different world.
everything is blank.everything is spinning so fast.
i lost.lost control of myself, lost control of you.lost you.
you are spinning away from me.drifting away like before.
like always.i'll run in circles after you.i always do.

life wasnt a symbol of light until you came.
you shone like a star and twinkled like a diamond.
now i losy that star, gone is that diamond.
lost all, lost you, lost again, lost in sonatra.

"sonatra creeps thru like a fog.engulfing me in my own fears, drowning me in my own tears."

exams & computers

hello..finally able to enter new posts online again...but guess what? I just formatted my stupid computer! it was running to slow with jams here and there.. i had to do it..it's ok now but my PICTURES are GONE!! gone with the wind.. was studying 1033 jus now.. more to cover then i tot.. i havent even started on 1027.. but i will..lol.. ok see ya soon

<>

Stupid tuesday is here. im in the computer lab with stupid jason on my left. lessons are over and im going home soon. tot i'd drop by and fill in my blog. so here it goes. we had sociology 1st then clinical lab session.. damn..i owe a stupid person a treat at swenson.. well anyway.. he deserved it. anyway..im like super disgusted. dun ask me who.. u should know.. im not going to say..i dont want to get in to trouble right now...ok? anyway.. i changed my blog templates and song..YEah!! Finally..been trying to upload the bloody song since forever..! Thank god! anyway.. fasting for almost a week now.. so far so good. if it wasnt been for that stupid person...i would have a perfect fast...WITHOUT VULGARITIES!!!! really...some pple are just URGH i dunno wad!! hey hey hey i heard this frm dr param.. he said.. pple who fast..live longer life!! thank god.. i knew VIRGINS dun die early!! hehehe! Justice league is officially up..haha..i know it sounds stupid but we do have a couple of stupid pple in it..so it makes sense..anyway.. i gtg kill pple now..so..Tata..
Adios Amigo!

Fridayz..Like Never Before

This has got to be the worst friday i have ever experienced. First of all. i beagn my day with sociology presentation. lessons end at 1900 today, the lessons are all boring, i m sleepy, i wanna go home...does it look good or what?NOT!! Urgh! it's disgusting. i have never hated friday like this before! it's horrid! it's despicable!!! ITS DETESTABLE~!!!

there is no way this day could get any worse could it? well well well...school is damn boring. thank god there's food and friends[most of them]. the presentation went well..fido wasnt ard..diarrhoea...lol maybe ila pinched a lil too hard...he started to auscaltate everything out thru his ass.. anyway..get well soon.

" The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

Moonlight Sonatra Speaks

an empty space, an empty mind.
you get scared, terrified u panic.
fear embraces you, choking you.
defensive, you run.
you keep running, as fast as you can.
scared you run, as fast as your legs could carry you.

you cry you run into an empty space,
with absolutely nowhere to go.
with no idea what you are running from
into an empty space you wander.
everywhere bland and white.
everything is dead, everything except you
but then u realize, that you are the only thing there.
you dont even know where you are
why you ended up where you are
how you even got there.

then you remember it all
the same sorrow, misery and foreboding torture
enveloping you once agin, tightenning your mind and soul
the heart cramps, wrenched into a wadded paper.
you stand still, you freeze.

you stood still whilst the world spun.
the world spinning madly against you
what did u ever do wrong? what have u done?
u are so confused, dazed and dizzy
the world was spinning wild
faster than you could ever imagine
faster than anything else
everyinch of you was tearing apart.
death seems such a delightful option.

you start running, faster than ever before,
you faster into the bland white space
no shadows, no reflection, no water, no food
jus white, white, white light and you
you cry tears flowing without a reason
without sorrows, without misery of any known, you cry.
you dont understand anything at all.

what am i running from?
where am i running to?
whay am i running away?
how much longer can i run?

unanswered and stil running. from nothing
bland white, you sweat in panic, your body weakens.
you run still not knowing how much longer can you last.
cry, run, for your survival. but against what?

you cry for help, but there's none but you.
you scream, lungs at the verge of explosion.
you scream, in silence. heard by none. bcos there is none. not even you shadows
the pain was horrid but you still kept going
pain was excruciating. never ending
you remember your mistakes, the pain you've caused.
the pple u've hurt and used.
the hearts you have broken, the people you have wronged.
greater pain as you recall. be it if u die
you hoped they'd forgive you. you understand their cries.
their fears, misery, torture, misfortune.
you wished you could have helped.
sonatra in the moonlight, you wished no one else would have to go thru
the pain you are feeling right now.
never. because it is too cruel for any man to take.
everything dims, you awake, scared.Never.