this is my final goodbye.
we're taking a split. i'm setting u free. it pains me that i have to but it is so.
i no longer love anyone but you but you had to turn away. i hope you know
that no matter how much u think i'm going to hate you, i'm telling u u're wrong.
even if u shatter me into a million pieces. I'll always love you.
Now and always.
i pray that u stay happy and blessed with all good things in the world. I haven't got
anything worthy to give u to make u stay, if u think the love i have for you is unworthy
of your keep then i'm afraid i really have nth else to offer. But i'll always be here for you,
I'll always love you.
Now and always.
i've always known. i've always felt that you were perfect, this i've told you. i also believe
that you know i think you a king. one that rules over me, night and day, in wake and in
dreams, in light and in darkness. you're here, you're there. loving u is as natural as breathing air.
go now, i know u want to leave so i shant keep. i cant possess something that isnt mine. i cannot
lose something i never had. my only defence is that i love you.
Now and always.
But tell me goodbye and let me cry. let me cry, let me hurt because i'll heal. just dont leave and
not let me know. let me be hurt,because it'll just hurt, no matter how bad, rather than u leave me worried, angry and disappointed. my only salvation is that i love you.
Now and always.

So this is my final good bye if u want it to be. u must think i'm crazy, u must think me mad.
but i have told you and i told u the truth when i told you i love you.
Now and always.


Khad

salaciously devilish

dia dhuit. khad here. of course.

let me tell you a story of young love so fine it would take years before someone like you would be able to comprehend what it is about. there couldnt have been another love more deeper and finer than what they have. Distance had separated the two but it never hindered their feelings for each other. She more than anything else in the world wished she could spend everyday next to the love of her life. Him on the other hand cherish her like a pagaan princess to be worshipped. in a way, they both loved each other. deeply. then came the misery for every time a man soars so high embraced by happiness, he is bound to fall. this time harder than shattering into a million pieces. they could not understand why it was so. they fought. from that distance, they never felt closer towards each other than this time, now. She gave him her, He gave her him. It was more or less, a blissful union admist the vast and complicated issues that surrounds them. She spend her days thinking about him, her nights dreaming about him. Everything around her was a reminder of how much she loved him. Everything, from the green of the trees that reminded her of his country to the blues of the skies that reminded her of his eyes. Every turn, every blink, she could only see him and him alone.

*well.. i have to go. this story does not end here, definitely, its closing farther than u can imagine for we have only begun in its first chapter.

Khad

こんにちは

~聖隷クリストファー大学~

the students of Seirei Christopher University, college of nursing came to Singapore, Nanyang Polytechnic for this week and i get to play host. The xchange student who was with me is called Kano Shoko. I call her Shoko-chan. (*see pic) Very sweet girl. Speaks little english but believe it or not, we spent the wee hours of the morning chatting. (conversing in 日本語- Japanese) 0_0 cool na? we slept at 0200hrs.

woohoo~ it was fun Sunday evening, we- dad, me & peifen, fetched them from the airport. Peifen's fren was called Tomoyo( Tomo-chan- sweet girl. big eyes) we went back home, intro to family memebers, went out for dinner. then to padang, supreme court. off to get a bite, we then head for St Andrews cathedral, then to esplanade, the merlion and finally... Fullerton hotel. didn't stay there, just along boat quay to snap many- many pictures. :) it was a terrific idea for Peifen and myself to pair up and go out together, else we never would have survived. not that they were horrid but bcos of the language barrier.

Monday morning it was off to school. went to eat prata with her. Oishii!! おいしい! (^,^) after classes we met and together with PF, we went to Bishan, take Neoprints -PuriKura! 興味深い表面 then to Swensens to eat EARTHQUAKE!! 地震アイスクリーム! went to popular book store then bought the paper stars. me & Shoko-chan made the stars together and i put it in a small jar for her to bring home to Japan.

Tuesday off to school again and evening we went to Orchard's S11 for dinner.

that's it. :p

Khad.

in school. will make this short. hs 3032: aggression is going well. glad. home life, good. love life, messy good. inner self, content. health, fit as pancakes. school life, ambivalent. happiness percentage 97%. study motivation 65%. naughty horns, 78%. sexual drive, 90%. that's stats. short to say...

"Khad Is happy"

Masquerade

hello NYP! back back. Lovely long weekend couldn't have a more perfect ending. i called Johnny last night. perfect. totally. reliving all the sweet seductive memories of high school! couldn't be more perfect. what more to wake up to a steamy monday morning. *if you know what i mean! (hint*hint*) anyway let me fill you in about weekend.
wednesday: slacked at home and danced till my feet were sore and it was Singapore's Birthday! Happy B*dae SNG!! the national day parade was a grandeur, of course like every year, i cried when the national anthem was played. sang my heart out. i dunno call it patriotism or momentary insanity but i felt it in my roots and cores of me soul.
thursday: went havock with more dancing and laughter. went to the library with lil Asmah @ AMK. borrowed so many Historical romances. then slacked at home with VCDs, movies and DVDs galore.
friday: went out with the one and only Malia. My other quarter. initially, we planned on going to BUGIS to shop but Malia, being the late waker, we ended up meeting at 1400 and had to settle for little india instead. but it was fun though, as usual, we shopped. we laughed, making a fool out of us-selves. then as hungry as lion, we grabbed a cup of mashed potato before heading down to Hougang Mall (familiar terrritory) and ate at LJS. Then we shopped some more for a couple of accessories. again more fun. of course, what trip with Malia is complete if it we didn't take print stickers at the print club. we had bought shades and decided to model for them. We looked gorgeous. totally unsurprising. (*,*) the pics turned out so nice, it was a shame tat it was small. she went o my house. i gave her a haircut. Malia looked so adorable! hahaha. okay you can say it. *Khad you're a genius. [tell me something i don't know (-_-***)] haha. shameless. that's for friday. happening?
saturday: beautiful. i went to town. don't worry i haven't lost my mind. i went to admire the fireworks. it was gorgeous. i stayed in my red hot car. havent been contaminted. dont worry. :D
it was super di duper exilihirating! wonderful. stunned into silence. it was also the day i told dad about Mark. i tot he was going to kill me or feed me to the sharks but dad was totally understanding. he said okay and gave the greens for the Go-Ahead. He thinks Mark is good looking too. Who wouldn't? Yeah. I showed him Mark's pic. at first he said we should hold the news from mom but he ended up telling her instead. but she was cool with it too. this is the first time i have talked to my parents about a.. man. becos i really like Mark, wait, i really love him. glad i took kak yana's advice and told them. now i have nothing to hide. guess what dad said? he told me to bring Mark HOME when he comes here. !!(0_O)!! yeah i know.
sunday: mom found out about Mark. she thinks he has pretty eyes that is honest. she guessed him a pretty secretive person too. see baby? i told ya ;) . lol.
Monday: TODAY!! text Mark in the morning. :p *wagging tongues, fanning my bottom. back in school. loving it. great start to the week. driving lessons this wed. good luck to me. no more drifting!!

location paradise

hello there. back in school. i love week 17. by far the most relaxing week of all. compared to the rest of the weeks, which have been pure murder to go thru. projects, papers and practicals. believe it.. i've only attended school for 2 days this week and i have a long holiday coming up. from tomorrow onwards. ;D that's rite! i'm all smiles right now. feel as though i did something good been granted this luxury.
confessions: i felt almost rotten this week. i guess i know. i do know why. i've written why in my book diary. yes.. as much as i share, i still keep a part of me hidden from the rest of the world. something too deep that i don't want other people to know. i'm pretty sure we all have secrets we wanna keep. so i have mine. nothing close to being unfaithful, nothing close to that. just rotten and hurt. pretty hurt. that's it. i spent my time reading historical romances to soothe and nurse my aching heart. guess it's the place where i feel most lost and just floating around looking at the characters live their romance gives me a sense of completion and hope that love is not all myth and as painful as i was led to believe.
share: huge laugh last saturday. Rudy got married...again. at 23 and married twice. some people have all the luck. i have to wait years before i get to see Mark. :( anyway, we kicked up a storm there in the bus. it was so much, thanks to a huge part, ME, KAK ASHA & KAK YANA. if kak shidah was there, it would have been a bigger uproar i swear it. :D
i still love Mark.

Khad.

Crazy In Love

Crazy In Love

been staying back in school till late. apart from settling that heavy task, which no one seems to think i'm doing, i have been (ahem) romancing online. Lol. nah just kidding. how does someone be in love with another who is so faraway and trust him/her so much? well i'd like to answer every person who has ever asked me that but i wish i knew. seriously, you think i planned all this? no way.. i've only hoped and dreamt about it since the day i understood the meaning of love. when i lost love thru someone i least expected lose, i then found love in the person i least expect to meet. the perfection that graces the many nights of my dreams, my Mark. Malliga did say i was a blessed girl.. before i always tot i was born wretched and cursed(still do by some) but when i tot about it again, i have the greatest balance of family one can ever ask for, demure, outrages, kind and wicked, fun and subtle. wasn't enough, everybody started having partners and someone to call their own. quite sad there. then i met Mark. or rather i found him. -Thank you MSN. in any case, i fell in love with him. still do.. every day from the day i knew i had to talk to him again or die. (just a feeling) then it grew. a friendship, teasing, messing, laughing, flirting. now i've come to like him a lot. or rather, adore him, miss him everytime that i'm not talking to him. i envy. envy those who are able to look their love in the eye everyday, hold their love, kiss their love anytime. I envy them. Mark is worth the wait. every second, every minute, every hour i wait. i know i can do this. i dunno how and where i get the patience from but i'm holding on. but not sure if i'm holding on to something that can be mine, eventually. dreams come true and i hope this one does. i cannot imagine waking up and seeing some other face. cannot picture myself walking on the beach with anyone but him. cannot possibly want to share the rest of my life with someone other than Mark. I love you, baby.

~Khad~

wee~ Mark is home! woo hoo.. oh the hours of lonely nights i have to endure without him. (ahem.. more like his texts and calls) anyway.. i missed him! But never mind. we texted last night. Estatic. Elated whatever it is that means happy.. I am IT. anyways.. in school. going for lunch now. gotta GO! Welcome back Honey! Chat soon yeah.. Last night was terrific! I love you.

Argh!

So frustrated. the skin looks nice.. all glittery and stuff. but the PHOTOs! I uploaded so many yesterday! It looked gorgeous.. it takes a while to load thou.. i'm not sure whether the picture is up for viewing or not. Yucks man.. I dunno what happened here!

Life's Good

Things are finally looking up now.

Such a rare occasion but HEY.. I do feel happy!

I know.. But weirder things have happened.

Can't say that I have not hoped fot this.

I think I've gotta change my thinking.

I know this happiness won't last.

But I'm going to bask in it as long as I can.

Laugh as much.

See the good in everything and be a free spirit.

he promised me. I quote him.

"Multiply that by a million times. That's how good it's gonna feel."

2006 BLOCK BUSTERS OF THE YEAR

Irish Coffee

Starring Khad Ismail & Mark A Kelly.

Synopsis: Love has never been so intoxicating. Kat(Khad) plays an outspoken and untamed girl filled with too much energy she drives people away from her, either from rejection or intimidation. Not because she wants to but because her attitude made everyone around her afraid to compete. Then she walks into Richard's (Kelly) life and wrecks everything. She constantly pesters him and at the same time, brings excitement into his life. But Kat feels that she should change for Richard to love her. Will the rowdy east temptress ever?

"A rollercoaster ride that makes you cry, laugh and curse!"

Distance

starring Khad Ismail & Mark Kelly

Khad plays Deidre Wilson, an ever-ready, defensive and uptight workaholic. Determined to keep herself out of relationship and men after a horrendous break-up, she buries herself under piles of work and ugly clothes. Until Hunter Gemlin (Kelly) came crashing on her doorstep wounded and in need of help. Hunter was everything Deidre wanted to avoid, bringing back painful memories at the same time creating new sensual ones, reminding her that she is a woman. Deidre was certain that Hunter was hiding something from her.

Hunter Gemlin had never been so confused his entire life. All along he never would have thought that a woman could make him care so much. But he was in too much trouble to be thinking about what Deidre would be like in bed and to love her. Will Deidre help Hunter, and perhaps give love a 2nd chance or will she shun him away, to stay in the comfort of her highwalled barrier she worked so hard to erect?

"A masterful plot. Kelly & Ismail pairs up in another sensual and intriguing plot."

clueless

That one very eyes..

i burn under those bright blue eyes..

they pierce thru my heart and soul
05 July 2006

One

I'm in a rush. Fools Rush.

I'm making it short and sweet.

Bottomline: I love Mark A. Kelly.

Breathe With Me

Breathe With Me

Are You sure you know what you're getting into?

This is me.

Crude & Uncouth. (Intelligent)

Haughty and Witty.(Funny)

Crazy & Hot-tempered. (Wild-away from eyes of the public)

Jack-of-all-trades, master of none. (handy)

Demanding and fiery. (fearsome)

Dreamy when i'm alone. (build sandcastles in the air alot)

I cry more than people think i do. (sensitive)

Will you want to go thru that with me?

Will you want to sit by the shores with nothing but silence and me?

Will you let me lean on you when i'm worked out? [no matter from what ;) ]

Put up with my tantrums?

Put up with my imperfection and flaws which by the way i have many.

When you wake up.. The first thing you see is this.

Are you alright with that? Oh there's always the office. =)

I'm oblivious to the world sometimes.

what they do. so i prefer solitude when you're not here.

I know i know i'm not making sense.

then again i always never do..

except when I tell you I LOVE YOU.

Perfect Dreams

I asked my mother whether dreams came true.

I asked my father if perfection existed.

I asked my friends if love was true.

I asked god if He would give me happiness in life.

My mother told me Yes, they did.

My dad told me Yes, it does.

My friends told me if it hurts, it is.

I believed everything they said, I was satisfied.

but I wasn't happy. I grew up thinking maybe they had lied.

Lied to make me happy. The truth was, it made me mad.

I lived thru life trying to make my dreams come true.

I ran in circles searching for that perfection.

I bled only to find that the love i had before didn't hurt.

I gave up. I wanted to. I decided that ok, life isn't perfect.

dreams don't come true, love isn't true.

So since god doesn't lie, I asked of him again.

I asked god to set the lies straight. I asked for happiness in life.

I waited. And I waited. Then I waited. I knew god wouldn't desert me.

He didn't. He made sure I knew that He could make perfection exist.

That He had given me strength to make dreams come true.

He showed me how true His love for all his creation was.

God gave me Mark.

And by that he gave me all the happiness in the world.

A perfect dream.

Reunion

I've Found What Was Missing,

That was i was searching in my troubled sleep.

When i lay to face my once again troubled heart, i shut my eyes..

and i see him. the man who brought a smile to my face, that calmed down the storms.

he shone a light so bright, i'll never i have to walk in the dark again.

he gave me many reasons to smile and look forward to tomorrow.

i'd look into his eyes and see fire burning thru a sapphire, the light dancing when he smiles.

Mark A. Kelly: I Love You.

A Quad Reconciles

Khairul, Shikin, Elfie, Daryll, Khad, Malia, Wati Su & Kumar

All In Da House: Ma House

Different Distance

No. He says. He doesn’t have any doubts. Feeling confident of a happily ever after for the both of us. Looks that way he says. I don’t doubt my feelings for him. It's there, it’ll always be there. I don’t doubt his feelings either. It’s just the distance. Everyday, I wonder, even for the briefest moment, if this is all real. If HE is real because when everything starts looking good, we women would wonder. Excuse me for thinking like a woman. Now I know why the gents get irritated with the ladies when they do. In their minds, they would be wondering why we can’t be satisfied with what we have. Why can’t we take things for what they are? Well you see gentlemen, if we did, then we’d all be homosexuals because then there’d be no difference between us. We’d all be men. Pardon us for that’s just the way it is. So I’m entitled to have my fair share of doubts. It’s because I love you that I think so much. It’s because I care that makes me so worried about us. It’s because I treasure your existence that I don’t want to lose you. So let me dwell in my misery, confuse myself in worries and anxieties and go crazy. If that’s what it is like to love you then so be it. I’ll go through it. Endure it. Make it. Hopefully with that happily ever after as an ending. I do belong to you. My whole heart belongs to you. Some may beg to differ, saying that I’m too young to say this, to young to know what it is but what better advice to follow then your own? Who knows me better than I do? So I’ll take my chances. I’m so spoilt. So used to getting what I want. This would be the first time I have to work hard for something I want so much. Even my dad can’t help me out on this one. So listen to me world! Khad has an announcement to make! From now onwards, I’m going to decide things pertaining to my love life myself. I don’t care if I soar way beyond my boundaries. I don’t care if I’m at risk of falling from that kind of height. I know it’ll hurt if he leaves, but I will cherish every moment, treasure every memory we have together. Even our teasing texts. Still brings a smile to my face baby. Even now. =p Even if goes away, but since he is still here, I’ll tell you, I’ll tell him. I love him. I love him very much. I love you darling. I love you very much. I love you Mark. I really do.

Hair-Hair...

Hair-pee Burp-Dey Sue-High-La!!

Siti Nursuhaila Bte Sulaiman

Happy Birthday to dear Sweet Girl.
A present From Malia
Sweet wishes and See You on 15 April Perhaps...

Khad. [cantik tak aku, pakai baju t-do shop in? =)]

You won't believe it!!

Studying for Biology Paper on 040406.

Me and the one and only Dr. Martini. Inseparable!

Mark A. Kelly

This Is The Love Of My Life

A Walk Down Memory Lane

31 May 2006

Happy Birthday Malia!!!

August 1987....Then there was me...

Sometime after that, somethings went haywire..
Then I found a click of friends alike...
....and i can safely say it runs in the family

Khad's Back! Larger Than Live!

do you see what you do to me?

just 1 mail just 1.

my nerves are going haywire.

your touch would be sensual enough to send my brains splattering.

MARK YOU'RE GOOD!

hey hey. is it that easy to recite i love you to anyone without meaning it? or has the phrase been used and heard too frequently that it no longer bears any meaning?it would seem so. i've only heard in songs and stories on how it's expressed and about how fine and demure LOVE is.

How fragile it is. how affections run thru deep in its veins and the emotions it carries with it. But that's fiction. will it ever be reality? my guess is as much as yours, too manyt imes has it been abused, shamefully by yours truly herself. but i do not know the meaning too. haven't got the chance to feel it really. true i have my family and friends. but u know wat i mean.
once i tot i had, now it seems like it's gone. really close that one time i too buy too good to be true.
it ended before it even started. it costed a lot as well, my nights and dollars, knowing every single moment and cent was worth it. I'm not glad it's gone, dont even know if it really is.you were gone for so long while i'm stuck frozen in time left with nothing but wondering thoughts about where you are, what you're doing, how come u havent call, how come u could bear not letting me hear your voice( by the way it's killing me not being able to hear ur husky breaths at my ears), or at least let me knoe that you're alive. Just wanna know.

been asked how come the distance hasn't swayed my distinctive glow of happiness and perkiness in my walk and speech. how come the oceans and separation doesn't seem to have made me appear sullen and moody, angered and unaffected. Should I have shown? to make myself feel better and then hate you? could i ever? i asked myself that question everyday.
what do i do? cry in silence, tremble in darkness i guess. you often spoke of the kisses we couldn't have, cuddles and warmth we couldn't share. i'm not crazy. i'm not fazed. i'm in complete control of myself and i'm sound. or so it seems. i'm not psychotic. i'm not drunk. don't like leaving things hanging unanswered.

i write in words hoping you would read. send it in thoughts hoping you'd hear. if u decide that we'd walk in different dirrections, let it be ultimately that we walk in opposite directions.

i'm sorry if i sound clingy, if i sound foolish, hell, it took me living guts to have it here. swallowed pride and ego to tell you so now your turn. tell me you're living, you're happy. tell me you're well cos tat'll make me happy. Just tell me something. i'll be damned if i have to go thru life not knowing. tell me sweetheart. tell me, love. something. anything.

20 March 2006

Relaxing By the Pool...

Khad & Malia

Suhaila & Malia
Reliving the old memories of Yuying Secondary School together.
Suhaila & Khad
Khad & Malia

DA Lapar SEH... Masak Sendiri..

Sebelum tu.. shopping dulu[aik malia jual susu?]
penat kat swimming pool. suhaila gula dah naik lah tu..
a girls' day out!!

Sunday extravaganza @ CCK!!

Lulu Elisha...trying to look like me.
there is a first time for everything

The vogue but CRAZY GERL! Kamaliah Halim!

Happy me

Bring in The Balls, I'll start the Rolling!!

Done with the rolling. gots to sit and think about how to spend

the coming holidays..

Got tired of thinking... SO had to lie down before i hurt myself.

i look like an ANGEL.

HAHA!! Just kidding. Still standing strong okay!!