Le Comtesse Khad

The Easter Bunny drops In

2011-04-24T15:20:00.007+08:00

17 weeks into pregnancy and being in New Zealand as a Newlywed. Things were sore and stressful and perhaps now, it is starting to look up for us. I guess this is marriage. A calm peaceful one doesn't always mean it is better. Giving in at times but it is also about fighting for what you want. You should have expectations from your spouse or else, what is the point of spending the rest of your life with just one person?

Take me for example. Hell yes we fight and yell at each other. Yes, we drive each other crazy to the point of physical pain but there is always that one voice inside our head or heart that reminds us why we said yes in the first place. Then we stop, we walkaway for a breather and we move on. Sometimes the pain SEEMS to much to bear but the sweeter memories hold a greater power over us.

To tell you the truth, there is a lot that I want and sometimes I can be so ungrateful and oblivious to it. I may think I show him that I care enough but I don't. My husband is an amazing man. I am 23 years old. I have never lived on my own, never had to struggle for anything but for which type of cab I should take or what dress I should wear. Never had to make sacrifices and until I met him, I never really knew what it means to be in a relationship. He is a stranger to fighting for what you want and believe in but it is because I am so spoilt and adamant that we are together.

Today, I realize why I chose him. Despite our fights and hurtful words, he managed, in our barely manageable situation, to let me experience my childhood and bring joy to my day. I woke up rushing the cats outside so they wont do anything naughty in the house. I ran past a beautiful surprise that was waiting for me on the dining table... This.

I was so excited and felt like I was 5 again. Ran back into the bedroom and jumped on my husband to kiss him all over to thank him. My Easter Bunny had dropped by!! The card said to work for my prize and I went on my hunt.

Discovering so many wonderful surprises that marks his hard work and efforts to make it enjoyable and meaningful. I got so much more than I had hoped for, more than enough to make up for 23 years of going without having to know what it was like to celebrate Easter as a kid. His words in the written card were heartfelt. Not because it was poetic or anything but because it was rare. I felt engulfed in my own heart. I wished I had all the money in the world to make his dreams come true.

As we sat for lunch, which he made, he had mentioned the wonderful traditions that Marie had done for him and his brothers and how he wanted the same for our child. I felt so blessed and proud that I was carrying his baby. Bad timing, or not. I was going to be the mother of his 1st born child. OUR baby. He didn't have champagne but instead drank with me the sparkling bubbly grape juice. I couldn't have asked for a lovelier way to experience my first Easter.

Starting 2011 off... With a nag!

2011-03-17T21:25:00.003+08:00

Been 3 months into 2011 and so far I must say I am not enjoying it at all. I've moved to New Zealand and the house, the kittens, the nature has all been all so beautiful like I expected it to be but everything else is a drag. Immi-fucking-gration is taking their own sweet time to process a simple work visa so that ultimately delays me getting a job and making money.

Tell me something darling....

2010-05-03T03:42:00.002+08:00

I love you. We're officially living together now and despite all the fights we have, i still want to stay with you. You're the last thing that I wish to see before i go to sleep and the first thing i want to look at when i roll over in bed in the morning. You're a Mystery Gift Box, worth way too much but all worth it. Time and time again, you always manage to outdo me. You must feel so misunderstood when all you ever wanted to do was please me. Believe me darling, you do. In more ways than one.

I've asked for this my entire life as a dreamy and lost teenager. A man who knows how to make smile and who knows where to touch. Not only physically but spiritually as well. Our first trip to Bali was amazing. Then there was KL... you managed that all on your own. When you made France happen, I knew i wanted to be with you no matter what. Even if you didn't ask me to marry you. I'd still stick with you all the way.

France was amazing, it was magical and I'm not talking about disneyland. I don't know what it is exactly but with the beautiful view, the coldness, the clear blue skies and the castle, I just fell more in love with you. You drive me crazy, you make me wanna punch you when you humiliate me, you make me wanna cry when you yell at me but i still love you. god knows why but I honestly do. Nothing in the world will change my mind.

I am so very proud of you Pierre. I really am. You accept me for who I am, flaws, fats and all. You took me in when i had nowhere to go and you taught me so much about life that i was oblivious about. You tore down the armor that was built to shelter me and you replaced it with your arms that protected and strengthened me. I can always count on you to be there for the laughter AND at the same time feel secure enough to trust you to be there when there is pain. =D

if ever i made you feel bad, i am very sorry.

I will love you to my very best and beyond. Love you darling.

Sid

2010- Just A few More Months

2010-01-03T21:01:00.004+08:00

Lately...

-the one place that i can write and strangers would read my blog..

can i tell you something? "Happy Birthday To Pierre BTW."

This is my first entry after so many months maybe close to a year. I've made my choices now the ripple effects are starting to appear. Firstly, my family has been better now.. just the immediate ones. then there are those few who can't keep their noses out of other people's business.. some that are just plain backstabbing and two-faced. Otherwise, mom and dad have been swell and supportive of my choices. Love you Dad, Love you Mom. even my brothers are cool now.

It's finally 2010 and I'm moving away next year. It's very exciting for me, although honestly, it does not come without fear and uncertainty. Have to take IELTS, get married, change my passport. settle career, somewhere to stay. Need someone to believe in me. rather than press me and yell at me which won't get me anywhere. It's not helping.

2009 was great. don't feel like writing in now.. sorry will update again later. ciao!

Time it changes everything

2008-09-11T20:48:00.003+08:00

Make Smile.

it has been a long while since i last updated this blog.

definitely alot has been going on in my life but this is no one wants their life to be THAT open for the world to read like a book.

everything at work was so hectic, shit luck at work. it came down to tendering my resignation or push through the obstacles, which of course came with some scarifices and shitty time from superiors and colleagues. in my industry you cant afford to slip. i've learnt my lesson. so i started to pay a lil bit more attention to my work and it is starting to pay off. of course im juggling between that and spending time with my boyfriend.

then at home, well.. not exactly heaven at first. went through the mini version of hell with mom and dad. so far it has settled down. have to win back their trust. not really sure what they want from me till now. but i'll make do with what i THINK they expect of me.sigh. growing up is such a pain in the neck. i had huge fights with my parents, screaming slapping, i almost ran away from home.

a few surprises in the matters of the heart. time really changes everything. if you sit down and really think about what matters to you, you wont find much. it's how much value other people place on a certain position, thing or incident that makes us worry about the things we do.

ive come to care about you more than i thought i would. i did try to forget you but you're THAT significant that i just cannot. when i rest i will be thinking of you, when i sleep i will be dreaming of you. you're that someone whom i cant wait to see everyday and spend every single minute of my day with. please do not mistake my naiveness for obliviousness. i know what is it that people say, i know what it really is but i chose to trust you and trust you i will. believing in you despite what i hear. innocent until proven guilty. despite everything, you're still here with me, you hold me when i cry, you make smile. you're someone i can lean on, someone i'd trust my life with, except in the open sea. =) i hope that one day you can think of me that way, you can trust me that much.

Quick to give, Slow to take. Wasnt so pleasant, wasnt a mistake.

2008-05-07T07:42:00.003+08:00

When You are down, Grab a Girlfriend & Fly HIGH!!

Khad On SkyRide Irmalia On Skyride

The Test
This was the story that i was telling u about. Quick to give, i dont care if i lose a lot. so long as u are happy.. its all material and im not really material. after all whatever we have in this world, will just be with us until our last breath after which all possessions wud belong to others who are left behind.
At my death bed, what i really want, is to remember that i had a good life, that i make people smile, i make people laug. That smile that you give, is the memory i will bring to my grave.
When i lie, it will be because i do not want to hurt you, it will be because i'm protecting you from the nasty reality and i will be trying to fix the situation while i keep you smiling. Until things get better, for both you and i. What you dont know, wont hurt you and i definitely do not wish to hurt you. ....Truly.

The Recovery
then came a point of time i had to leave. i cannot hold not to something that isn't mine. so as usual, i'll be the girl with the broken smile. walking around with the plastered happiness that hides a broken heart lined with sorrow.
So while i spend my nights alone, trying to bounce back from this fall, i realized, i cannot lose something that was not mine in the first place. it was all so ironic. the more i thought about it, the funnier it becomes.
An aching heart that is trying to laugh and pretend it is ok. it hurts even more that way. did u know that? i bet you didnt. I got a friend to help me recover from this. someone whom i know will NEVER cheat, will NEVER lie to me, who will NEVER hurt me knowingly. That friend who will not say things to bring me down intentionally. Irmalia Ismail.

GET REAL!!

"the truth is, Irmalia & Khad, we compliment each other very well.

She carries the umbrella, i'll carry the camera. =)"

Malia is the soft looking one, who has got a head-strong attitude and doesnt forgve easily.

Khad is the tough looking one, who is soft inside, forgives easily, gets hurt easily

but no matter how hard Khad falls or how angry Malia gets, I will be there for her, and in turn, Malia is with me every step of the way. She is the negative side of the battery with her anger and me? Im the plus sign on the other side. Together... we work pretty well. We really do. tell the world not to come in between. there isnt any space left.

So ok.. until here then. Until later..

Ps: i told u the climax will give me a plunge i will never forget.

Khad

Salut!

2008-04-20T13:38:00.003+08:00

hello again.. been eons since i last visited or posted an entry. almost forgot about this darn blog

1- life. has been a rollercoaster ride. which is excellent and exactly the way i like it.

keeps me entertained and the adrenaline rush. wow. u cant possibly imagine it. climax period has been almost the entire of april. but trust me the plunge into abyss will come soon. i know it will. so towards this end im just preparing and bracing myself for it. so while it lasts ladies and gentleman, im gonna make it worth while.

"this is springtime of my youth. and someday when im older, i will have stories to share at the rehab center with all my friends."

2- love. its been like that, will stay like that. i will not change a thing about it, its something permanent. its a global issue ladies and gentleman.

3- work sucks. althou im on leave right now. i dread going back to work. but so far it has been tolerable. the work environment is. i need to brush up and pay attention to my work a bit more i guess. i can do it and i will.

4- current updates on me?

HAVENT I BEEN TELLING YOU?? lol. planning a HAWKSTARZ reunion on 2nd May 6pm.

ciao! see ya when i see ya!

Khad.

Scandalous

2007-12-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

~Sensational Disaster~

Hubba Hubba Hubba... Jimmy, brace yourself baby...

Yes.. what is man without beasts, who else wud they learn their bedding skills from?

at the zoo after 12 years....

~ Scandalous Dilla & Khad~

2007-10-30T13:23:00.000+08:00

my dear friend asked me one stupid and silly question the other day.
Silly Friend: Hey what's up with you?
me: what?
SF: whats with you and ang moh(caucasion) guys? you got a thing for them, is it?
me: seems so. dunno.
SF: omg! you're malay and wear tudong you know!
me: so?
SF: so?! so what do you think you are doing?
me: following in Singapore's steps.
SF: whats tat?
me: globalising.
SF: (-_-'''')...

.think global.

countess khad

2007-10-28T00:25:00.000+08:00

Regency Reigns Relentlessly & Restlessly

Vintage Issue

Blaque Visions
So Thats The Way It Is, Gentlemen.

Sunny-side Up Anyone?

Brother & Sister: Chapter II

Smile!

2007-09-18T01:29:00.000+08:00

HARE-Khad!

like it? damn its short but it looks damn good!
exit? stage right!
and i owe all my smiles and happy days after my great fall to this close-to-perfection young lad, called Ross. the sweetest thing since ben and jerry's. lol thank you for everyday Ross-ie! Couldnt be happier to have u in my life! World meet the man who is responsible for the strong khad and the man who keeps me waking me up and smiling at work. for whom without i wud have given up on my productive and dull life. the sentinel and essential part of my life.

R.C.C.

18 June ends everything and begins everything!

2007-06-17T22:17:00.000+08:00

countessa Holidayza OVA!

Princessa..

goodness gracious, the moment the pay came in, me and lil kuzzy went rushing to stores! Asmah picked out this dress for me, CT apparently claimed i look like barbie and i shud wear more things like this cos i look more feminine (-_-''') thanks..

Country Bumpkin.

back at my lil village in malacca after a 4 hour drive. man that sucks. then we went to KL too you know.. all ove the weekend. it was a nice change of atmosphere there, roosters crowed at 5am, morning dew on the lawns. the swing i sat on when i was a child is still around and i havent grown too fat to swing on it. (^_^) eat tat suckers!! lol. hahaha. anyway, the trip was good for me but the only glitch was i got bitten by mosquitoes.. oh well. i suppose i cud do a lil blood donation.. thank god i am ok. there was a wedding at KL. (last minute decision to tag along) and i saw cousins i nvr knew existed and renewed acquaintances i nvr knew i had.

its like everyone knows everyone including you, who dont know anyone. lol.

country bumpkin on the way home... on the road again... oh on the road again. =)

Lady Brereton Takes Regency

2007-05-19T10:00:00.000+08:00

hello world. take your bow, khad has fallen in love, assured that she is loved and life couldnt be more wonderful than this. this is all possible bcos of a certain Lord Brereton, (aka JWW) whose eyes habours a tenderness that has to be protected at all costs. so i have taken control over the regency and have taken this as my lifelong mission to protect that GEM of a man. to return that loving tenderness that he has decided to show to me. a bit annoying at times but i'd rather a man get on my nerves, peaks my temper then tries so hard to appease me. it is adorable. i will in turn care for u my love, with all my heart, now and always, forever and ever. wifey's promise. ;) so stay with me, never leave for i would be left bereft, heartbroken, by myself to grieve.

i swear to you, not a day that passes by that he does not tell me that he loves me dear world. i am happy and honoured that he does. maybe im one of those girls who derives their security from those simple words. i am a simple girl, intricate yet the simplest things, i find are the things that brings the most pleasure. ask urselves, a card handmade, doesnt cost much, but when given on a bday, is treasured bcos it says "i remember you" everybody wants to be someone's somebody that he/she remembers.

so thats it world, remember someone and tell them "hey, hi.. havent heard from you, how are u doing?" life is much more pleasanter that way.. till i write again my friends, i miss you and will be seeing u soon if it so. stay with me until then, believe me i am thinking of u as days go.

2007-05-14T16:06:00.000+08:00

you have no idea how much i love u baby, everytime i look into ur eyes, there is a special tenderness in it that makes me want to protect that precious gift. James, you make me happy, but u cud make me even happier if only u'd allow me to protect that special tenderness so that it is not lost. let me protect you, let me protect your heart darling. i love you.

misery takes over while distance takes control

2007-04-30T08:36:00.000+08:00

i have never loved like this. u feel permanent. we feel permanent and right. there is nothing that can describe this lovely emotion that i feel. u make it all possible and i am aware that should you ever decide to take away that gift, i would shatter and break into a million pieces. please baby, i know we love each other. so much. but this damnable distance is taking it's toll. so come back to me baby, have mercy on our aching hearts and come back to me soon.

oh how my heartb breaks..

2007-04-16T17:18:00.000+08:00

time spent away from you seems like a never-ending torture to me. everyday i miss you, everyday im loving you more and more. i dont believe that there is one other person in this world that id rather be with than u, none other id rather be with than you. i knew i loved you before i met you.. i think id miss you even if we never met.

au revoir cherie, till our next kiss, till i get to hold you again..

2007-04-07T13:12:00.000+08:00

So happy together....

all the times we've been together my love, never once have you made me feel unloved, or un-cherished. you made me so happy baby. you make me so. i love you so much baby. i do. when i said yes, i mean it baby. because the longer i am with you, the more i am convinced i am that i want to be with you for the rest of my life and you are the man that will make me happy, protect me and love me for the rest of my life. i would do the same for you james, if it means that i get to be with you forever...it breaks my heart that we have to be apart.. it does.
make me happy baby, come back for me. i love you baby. we promised that we'd be strong and i will be. for u, for us. khad will try he damnest to be with you, james, she promised u that. everyday i love you more and more, listen to my heart can u hear it say, i love you, until the end.... of.. time.. come what may. i will love you.. until my dying day. i always will.

james & khad

in love... in love..

2007-03-27T21:31:00.000+08:00

see what James sent me!!

(WORLD's BESTEST BOYFRIEND!!)

what do nursing students do when they are bored?

they doodle their boyfriend's name on their bodies of course!!
then write sweet messages on their calves...

Introducing...

NYP Yr 3 Siti Khadijah Binte Ismail

SGH- Department Of EmergencyMedicine (PRCP)

Dangerous Passions

2007-03-25T15:06:00.000+08:00

Sweet-smiling images keeps the world going, keeps my heart beating..

You're all that i need to live my days. A magnificent love story unfolds..

"You cannot learn to love until you've learnt what it is like to lose."

and so thus he makes me happy this mortal of a man, makes me smile and believe in tomorrow, think of the future, trust in love and risk it all but at the end of the day, coming home to where serenity, peace, tranquility embraces me... to where he is. to where my james is..

To... James William Ward

I just recall this wondrous instant:

You have arrived before my face

A vision, fleeting in a distance,

A spirit of the pure grace.

In pine of sorrow unfair,

In worldly harassment and noise

I dreamed of your beloved air

And heard your quiet, gentle voice.

Years passed. The tempests' rebel senders

Have scattered this delightful dream,

And I forgot this sound tender

And how heavenly you seemed.

In gloomy dark of isolation,

My days were gradually moved,

Without faith and inspiration,

Without tears, life, and love.

My soul awoke with decision:

And you again came as a blest,

Like an enchanting fleeting vision,

A spirit of the pure grace.

My heart beats on in resurrection

It has again for what to strive:

Divinity and inspiration,

Life, tears, and eternal love.

- Aleksandr Pushkin

LIVE! From UK & Singapore

2007-03-17T09:09:00.000+08:00

yep that's right! live from UK & SG.. we went live on msn actually. i was so happy. we were so happy. aint that right? lol. anyway.. budding roses. they look so beautiful was up till late last night and today up early bcos mom & dad's gone out of town. apparently gran's sister ha d fall and broke her arm. innalillah. may allah let her heal soon. i coulnt go cos well.. the tickets. and its much better if i didnt. my regards and well wishes are always with her.

this is pretty isnt it? yes what a pretty picture we make. hahaha. now & always. i have a long distance love but i know he's meant for me cos he was sent from up above. i long for his arms to hold me tight, hold me close to tell me everything's going to be alright. i'm blessed to have him in my life, maybe blessed enough he'll take me for his wife. when we age, togther, when i grow old, his hand is the one i want to hold. for better or worse, till death do us part, i love u sweet baby, i love u with all my heart..
school. ended. told u that. no mood to study.. paper on monday. i'll do revision today. (some) anyway.. i passed HS 3077!! Yay! that's one module down.. 2 more to go love! hehehe.. not going anywhere stupid schedule is still not out yet! till later..

Khad

ps: you and me. now and always.

2007-03-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

Now & Always

this is james william ward. hubba hubba hubbie. lol.

okay so 14 March eh? today is nasha's birthday! happie birthday nasha!! anyway.. i went back to school with asmah today.. yep! we infiltrated the security of NYP.. well she did. im still a student of NYP. studied there for about 4 hours and then we made a move to go to hougang mall.. ate at long john silver's... the seafood combo. yummy! with cheese sauce and black pepper dippings. went back to gramp's place... i had to send her home didnt i? we had fun.. went to take Print Club stickers again.. the stupid machine went too fast! i didnt even have enough time to go and draw on the pics properly =( but anyways.. luckily it turned out great.. thank heavens!

came back.. headed straight for the shower... and made my brother relinquish his command of MY fortress..the computer. my source of interaction, love and most of all, to meet my darling. *sighz* hahahaha.. anyway.. im chatting with him right now.. so cant write in too long in here. i miss him. lol.. love u. now & always.

take care. au revoir.

PS: learning to save for something important. (our RINGS!)

Khad WW

i surrender..

2007-03-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

hey dilemma solved and im a happier person now. it's all over and it's all begun. school's almost over and i'm ambivalent about it. slad the hard parts over but im gonna miss my friends and stuff. so yeah.. that's over. i have a test this thursday and im only half way thru studying. oh yeah.. james is coming in end march.. hopefully. =)

thursday is also my ica for sociology. so kill 2 birds in one day or i can take it as.. die 2 deaths in one day. =( anyway.. i'll make myself make it thru. i will. i'll do longer hours of revision tmr.. i will...

For JWW
u make my life complete the moment u came into it.
before, i'd live life day by day, telling myself that one day,
maybe one day there'd be a person who'd love me as much as i love him.
one day i'd find a man who'd mean what he say.
then came those long lonely nights that i spend alone
thinking and wondering if what i wanted was a mere fantasy..
for i could have never been so wrong, never so suprised,
to have met you. you who made my fantasy a reality.
dont let me down baby i cud never heal
dont leave me sweetheart, never tell me it's not real.
dont hurt me by saying u and i cud never be..
dont shatter me darling, by throwing back my love at me.
u shower me with endearments, and said i love you countless of times
wait a second baby, im trying to find something that rhymes. (LOL)
u care not if im ugly, fat or plain, i appreciate it so i dont feel so vain.
this period of time passes and together our bond grew..
till that special friendship evolved and turned into something new..
that special feeling that is embraced only by a few..
that special feeling that makes me confess, makes me say "Baby, I love you."

"Come What May"

Valentine's Dilemma

2007-02-18T07:13:00.000+08:00

what is one to do when you are struck by cupid's arrow twice? the first hasnt been removed and you're down by another.. man am i in a fix or what? tell me man.. but all in all im happy. but remorsely filled with guilt. cried myself to sleep.. talking to yself. been going on for weeks now.. i think im depressed.....
NAH!!! Just Kidding! HAHA. did u really think i'd be that kind to step my legs in 2 boats at one time. i'm a 1 man woman. loyal and jealous. lol. so.. I love you baby! but i need to be clear of what is it that you want with me. if u want it to be US, then tell.. not only tell me... show me. love without proper encouragement, not everyone has that kind of security in themselves to hang on to a thread as thin as that baby. just remember that aside all that make-up covered beauty.. im still a woman with a real heart, with real feelings. im asking you to look aside all that teasing, sharp wit and words to know that i can get hurt too. i have strength but there is only so much before i break and block myself away, again. the barrier erected then would be far higher than ever. not even u can breach it again.. hold to your promises like i do. then if u cannot, dont make them. you cannot lose something you never had.

But other than that, life has been very sweet and sensational. i like it. i love it. star gazing.. alone. it is the most wonderfulthing to do since chocolate. imagine that. i really got to clear my head.. and thought straight. hehe. i never wanted to be so confused, i never wanted to be this brain-addled. im no bimbo.. im no ainstein either. lol... so im asking for a chance to prove myself. give me that chance.

Khad.

2007-01-29T07:22:00.000+08:00

WEE~ Khad goes LIVE on messenger!

wow i love technology. free phone conversations.. endless hours!! haha.. a little laggy when we first started but who am i to complain? Comtesse Khad is elated! god bless! well.. im so happy i can hardly contain it!! i need to kiss something. wait~ ok back. i just kissed Choco.. my cat. the lil pussy jumped up when i caught him. HAHA.. no pun intended. oh well.. classes at 1000 today and dunno if i will go.. so maybe just drop by at 1200.. meetings start then i suppose. so much work.. so little time. hahaha.

okay then. gtg

Au revoir!

KHAD

back!!

2007-01-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

haha! hello world wide web. im back~ haha.
okay here's the deal. i have completed all my attachments. only left with PRCP. that'd be soon. im quite contented with school stuff right now. new semester. new friends. Ross. haha. very cute. anyway.. i've been online most of the time. the novelty hasnt worn off i guess. it's good i guess. i get to chat with uhm.. more often than not. so im quite happy. by the way.. nth.
im kinda subdued these days. Malliga says i dont seem myself.. apparently my eyes tells a story. maybe so.. she has no idea how close she is to the truth. but everyone has their own secrets and thus i have mine. i will not endeavour to display my weaknesses for the whole world to use at their advantage.
i wont be made into a joke. not now. not ever. not anymore. enough is enough.
a barrier. an erect barrier between me and everyone else. if i dont love. i dont hurt. simple as that.
but that does not mean im not happy. i smile. i mean my smiles.. maybe it doesnt reach my eyes. Malliga's quite good at this. i'd have to be more wary from now on.
lol.
okay then till then.
Au Revoir!

Khad

2006-12-08T12:20:00.000+08:00

2006-10-23T17:39:00.000+08:00

this is my final goodbye.
we're taking a split. i'm setting u free. it pains me that i have to but it is so.
i no longer love anyone but you but you had to turn away. i hope you know
that no matter how much u think i'm going to hate you, i'm telling u u're wrong.
even if u shatter me into a million pieces. I'll always love you.
Now and always.
i pray that u stay happy and blessed with all good things in the world. I haven't got
anything worthy to give u to make u stay, if u think the love i have for you is unworthy
of your keep then i'm afraid i really have nth else to offer. But i'll always be here for you,
I'll always love you.
Now and always.
i've always known. i've always felt that you were perfect, this i've told you. i also believe
that you know i think you a king. one that rules over me, night and day, in wake and in
dreams, in light and in darkness. you're here, you're there. loving u is as natural as breathing air.
go now, i know u want to leave so i shant keep. i cant possess something that isnt mine. i cannot
lose something i never had. my only defence is that i love you.
Now and always.
But tell me goodbye and let me cry. let me cry, let me hurt because i'll heal. just dont leave and
not let me know. let me be hurt,because it'll just hurt, no matter how bad, rather than u leave me worried, angry and disappointed. my only salvation is that i love you.
Now and always.

So this is my final good bye if u want it to be. u must think i'm crazy, u must think me mad.
but i have told you and i told u the truth when i told you i love you.
Now and always.

Khad

2006-10-12T15:13:00.000+08:00

salaciously devilish

dia dhuit. khad here. of course.

let me tell you a story of young love so fine it would take years before someone like you would be able to comprehend what it is about. there couldnt have been another love more deeper and finer than what they have. Distance had separated the two but it never hindered their feelings for each other. She more than anything else in the world wished she could spend everyday next to the love of her life. Him on the other hand cherish her like a pagaan princess to be worshipped. in a way, they both loved each other. deeply. then came the misery for every time a man soars so high embraced by happiness, he is bound to fall. this time harder than shattering into a million pieces. they could not understand why it was so. they fought. from that distance, they never felt closer towards each other than this time, now. She gave him her, He gave her him. It was more or less, a blissful union admist the vast and complicated issues that surrounds them. She spend her days thinking about him, her nights dreaming about him. Everything around her was a reminder of how much she loved him. Everything, from the green of the trees that reminded her of his country to the blues of the skies that reminded her of his eyes. Every turn, every blink, she could only see him and him alone.

*well.. i have to go. this story does not end here, definitely, its closing farther than u can imagine for we have only begun in its first chapter.

Khad

2006-09-06T18:13:00.000+08:00

こんにちは

~聖隷クリストファー大学~

the students of Seirei Christopher University, college of nursing came to Singapore, Nanyang Polytechnic for this week and i get to play host. The xchange student who was with me is called Kano Shoko. I call her Shoko-chan. (*see pic) Very sweet girl. Speaks little english but believe it or not, we spent the wee hours of the morning chatting. (conversing in 日本語- Japanese) 0_0 cool na? we slept at 0200hrs.

woohoo~ it was fun Sunday evening, we- dad, me & peifen, fetched them from the airport. Peifen's fren was called Tomoyo( Tomo-chan- sweet girl. big eyes) we went back home, intro to family memebers, went out for dinner. then to padang, supreme court. off to get a bite, we then head for St Andrews cathedral, then to esplanade, the merlion and finally... Fullerton hotel. didn't stay there, just along boat quay to snap many- many pictures. :) it was a terrific idea for Peifen and myself to pair up and go out together, else we never would have survived. not that they were horrid but bcos of the language barrier.

Monday morning it was off to school. went to eat prata with her. Oishii!! おいしい! (^,^) after classes we met and together with PF, we went to Bishan, take Neoprints -PuriKura! 興味深い表面 then to Swensens to eat EARTHQUAKE!! 地震アイスクリーム! went to popular book store then bought the paper stars. me & Shoko-chan made the stars together and i put it in a small jar for her to bring home to Japan.

Tuesday off to school again and evening we went to Orchard's S11 for dinner.

that's it. :p

Khad.

2006-08-17T19:28:00.000+08:00

in school. will make this short. hs 3032: aggression is going well. glad. home life, good. love life, messy good. inner self, content. health, fit as pancakes. school life, ambivalent. happiness percentage 97%. study motivation 65%. naughty horns, 78%. sexual drive, 90%. that's stats. short to say...

"Khad Is happy"

2006-08-14T10:24:00.000+08:00

Masquerade

hello NYP! back back. Lovely long weekend couldn't have a more perfect ending. i called Johnny last night. perfect. totally. reliving all the sweet seductive memories of high school! couldn't be more perfect. what more to wake up to a steamy monday morning. *if you know what i mean! (hint*hint*) anyway let me fill you in about weekend.
wednesday: slacked at home and danced till my feet were sore and it was Singapore's Birthday! Happy B*dae SNG!! the national day parade was a grandeur, of course like every year, i cried when the national anthem was played. sang my heart out. i dunno call it patriotism or momentary insanity but i felt it in my roots and cores of me soul.
thursday: went havock with more dancing and laughter. went to the library with lil Asmah @ AMK. borrowed so many Historical romances. then slacked at home with VCDs, movies and DVDs galore.
friday: went out with the one and only Malia. My other quarter. initially, we planned on going to BUGIS to shop but Malia, being the late waker, we ended up meeting at 1400 and had to settle for little india instead. but it was fun though, as usual, we shopped. we laughed, making a fool out of us-selves. then as hungry as lion, we grabbed a cup of mashed potato before heading down to Hougang Mall (familiar terrritory) and ate at LJS. Then we shopped some more for a couple of accessories. again more fun. of course, what trip with Malia is complete if it we didn't take print stickers at the print club. we had bought shades and decided to model for them. We looked gorgeous. totally unsurprising. (*,*) the pics turned out so nice, it was a shame tat it was small. she went o my house. i gave her a haircut. Malia looked so adorable! hahaha. okay you can say it. *Khad you're a genius. [tell me something i don't know (-_-***)] haha. shameless. that's for friday. happening?
saturday: beautiful. i went to town. don't worry i haven't lost my mind. i went to admire the fireworks. it was gorgeous. i stayed in my red hot car. havent been contaminted. dont worry. :D
it was super di duper exilihirating! wonderful. stunned into silence. it was also the day i told dad about Mark. i tot he was going to kill me or feed me to the sharks but dad was totally understanding. he said okay and gave the greens for the Go-Ahead. He thinks Mark is good looking too. Who wouldn't? Yeah. I showed him Mark's pic. at first he said we should hold the news from mom but he ended up telling her instead. but she was cool with it too. this is the first time i have talked to my parents about a.. man. becos i really like Mark, wait, i really love him. glad i took kak yana's advice and told them. now i have nothing to hide. guess what dad said? he told me to bring Mark HOME when he comes here. !!(0_O)!! yeah i know.
sunday: mom found out about Mark. she thinks he has pretty eyes that is honest. she guessed him a pretty secretive person too. see baby? i told ya ;) . lol.
Monday: TODAY!! text Mark in the morning. :p *wagging tongues, fanning my bottom. back in school. loving it. great start to the week. driving lessons this wed. good luck to me. no more drifting!!

location paradise

2006-08-08T14:23:00.000+08:00

hello there. back in school. i love week 17. by far the most relaxing week of all. compared to the rest of the weeks, which have been pure murder to go thru. projects, papers and practicals. believe it.. i've only attended school for 2 days this week and i have a long holiday coming up. from tomorrow onwards. ;D that's rite! i'm all smiles right now. feel as though i did something good been granted this luxury.
confessions: i felt almost rotten this week. i guess i know. i do know why. i've written why in my book diary. yes.. as much as i share, i still keep a part of me hidden from the rest of the world. something too deep that i don't want other people to know. i'm pretty sure we all have secrets we wanna keep. so i have mine. nothing close to being unfaithful, nothing close to that. just rotten and hurt. pretty hurt. that's it. i spent my time reading historical romances to soothe and nurse my aching heart. guess it's the place where i feel most lost and just floating around looking at the characters live their romance gives me a sense of completion and hope that love is not all myth and as painful as i was led to believe.
share: huge laugh last saturday. Rudy got married...again. at 23 and married twice. some people have all the luck. i have to wait years before i get to see Mark. :( anyway, we kicked up a storm there in the bus. it was so much, thanks to a huge part, ME, KAK ASHA & KAK YANA. if kak shidah was there, it would have been a bigger uproar i swear it. :D
i still love Mark.

Khad.

Crazy In Love

2006-07-25T19:13:00.000+08:00

Crazy In Love

been staying back in school till late. apart from settling that heavy task, which no one seems to think i'm doing, i have been (ahem) romancing online. Lol. nah just kidding. how does someone be in love with another who is so faraway and trust him/her so much? well i'd like to answer every person who has ever asked me that but i wish i knew. seriously, you think i planned all this? no way.. i've only hoped and dreamt about it since the day i understood the meaning of love. when i lost love thru someone i least expected lose, i then found love in the person i least expect to meet. the perfection that graces the many nights of my dreams, my Mark. Malliga did say i was a blessed girl.. before i always tot i was born wretched and cursed(still do by some) but when i tot about it again, i have the greatest balance of family one can ever ask for, demure, outrages, kind and wicked, fun and subtle. wasn't enough, everybody started having partners and someone to call their own. quite sad there. then i met Mark. or rather i found him. -Thank you MSN. in any case, i fell in love with him. still do.. every day from the day i knew i had to talk to him again or die. (just a feeling) then it grew. a friendship, teasing, messing, laughing, flirting. now i've come to like him a lot. or rather, adore him, miss him everytime that i'm not talking to him. i envy. envy those who are able to look their love in the eye everyday, hold their love, kiss their love anytime. I envy them. Mark is worth the wait. every second, every minute, every hour i wait. i know i can do this. i dunno how and where i get the patience from but i'm holding on. but not sure if i'm holding on to something that can be mine, eventually. dreams come true and i hope this one does. i cannot imagine waking up and seeing some other face. cannot picture myself walking on the beach with anyone but him. cannot possibly want to share the rest of my life with someone other than Mark. I love you, baby.

~Khad~

2006-07-18T13:17:00.000+08:00

wee~ Mark is home! woo hoo.. oh the hours of lonely nights i have to endure without him. (ahem.. more like his texts and calls) anyway.. i missed him! But never mind. we texted last night. Estatic. Elated whatever it is that means happy.. I am IT. anyways.. in school. going for lunch now. gotta GO! Welcome back Honey! Chat soon yeah.. Last night was terrific! I love you.

2006-07-14T12:28:00.000+08:00

Argh!

So frustrated. the skin looks nice.. all glittery and stuff. but the PHOTOs! I uploaded so many yesterday! It looked gorgeous.. it takes a while to load thou.. i'm not sure whether the picture is up for viewing or not. Yucks man.. I dunno what happened here!

2006-07-11T12:55:00.000+08:00

Life's Good

Things are finally looking up now.

Such a rare occasion but HEY.. I do feel happy!

I know.. But weirder things have happened.

Can't say that I have not hoped fot this.

I think I've gotta change my thinking.

I know this happiness won't last.

But I'm going to bask in it as long as I can.

Laugh as much.

See the good in everything and be a free spirit.

he promised me. I quote him.

"Multiply that by a million times. That's how good it's gonna feel."

2006-07-07T13:13:00.000+08:00

2006 BLOCK BUSTERS OF THE YEAR

Irish Coffee

Starring Khad Ismail & Mark A Kelly.

Synopsis: Love has never been so intoxicating. Kat(Khad) plays an outspoken and untamed girl filled with too much energy she drives people away from her, either from rejection or intimidation. Not because she wants to but because her attitude made everyone around her afraid to compete. Then she walks into Richard's (Kelly) life and wrecks everything. She constantly pesters him and at the same time, brings excitement into his life. But Kat feels that she should change for Richard to love her. Will the rowdy east temptress ever?

"A rollercoaster ride that makes you cry, laugh and curse!"

Distance

starring Khad Ismail & Mark Kelly

Khad plays Deidre Wilson, an ever-ready, defensive and uptight workaholic. Determined to keep herself out of relationship and men after a horrendous break-up, she buries herself under piles of work and ugly clothes. Until Hunter Gemlin (Kelly) came crashing on her doorstep wounded and in need of help. Hunter was everything Deidre wanted to avoid, bringing back painful memories at the same time creating new sensual ones, reminding her that she is a woman. Deidre was certain that Hunter was hiding something from her.

Hunter Gemlin had never been so confused his entire life. All along he never would have thought that a woman could make him care so much. But he was in too much trouble to be thinking about what Deidre would be like in bed and to love her. Will Deidre help Hunter, and perhaps give love a 2nd chance or will she shun him away, to stay in the comfort of her highwalled barrier she worked so hard to erect?

"A masterful plot. Kelly & Ismail pairs up in another sensual and intriguing plot."

clueless

2006-07-05T10:23:00.000+08:00

That one very eyes..

i burn under those bright blue eyes..

they pierce thru my heart and soul
05 July 2006

One

2006-06-16T11:32:00.000+08:00

I'm in a rush. Fools Rush.

I'm making it short and sweet.

Bottomline: I love Mark A. Kelly.

Breathe With Me

2006-06-07T09:51:00.000+08:00

Breathe With Me

Are You sure you know what you're getting into?

This is me.

Crude & Uncouth. (Intelligent)

Haughty and Witty.(Funny)

Crazy & Hot-tempered. (Wild-away from eyes of the public)

Jack-of-all-trades, master of none. (handy)

Demanding and fiery. (fearsome)

Dreamy when i'm alone. (build sandcastles in the air alot)

I cry more than people think i do. (sensitive)

Will you want to go thru that with me?

Will you want to sit by the shores with nothing but silence and me?

Will you let me lean on you when i'm worked out? [no matter from what ;) ]

Put up with my tantrums?

Put up with my imperfection and flaws which by the way i have many.

When you wake up.. The first thing you see is this.

Are you alright with that? Oh there's always the office. =)

I'm oblivious to the world sometimes.

what they do. so i prefer solitude when you're not here.

I know i know i'm not making sense.

then again i always never do..

except when I tell you I LOVE YOU.

Perfect Dreams

2006-06-02T09:54:00.000+08:00

I asked my mother whether dreams came true.

I asked my father if perfection existed.

I asked my friends if love was true.

I asked god if He would give me happiness in life.

My mother told me Yes, they did.

My dad told me Yes, it does.

My friends told me if it hurts, it is.

I believed everything they said, I was satisfied.

but I wasn't happy. I grew up thinking maybe they had lied.

Lied to make me happy. The truth was, it made me mad.

I lived thru life trying to make my dreams come true.

I ran in circles searching for that perfection.

I bled only to find that the love i had before didn't hurt.

I gave up. I wanted to. I decided that ok, life isn't perfect.

dreams don't come true, love isn't true.

So since god doesn't lie, I asked of him again.

I asked god to set the lies straight. I asked for happiness in life.

I waited. And I waited. Then I waited. I knew god wouldn't desert me.

He didn't. He made sure I knew that He could make perfection exist.

That He had given me strength to make dreams come true.

He showed me how true His love for all his creation was.

God gave me Mark.

And by that he gave me all the happiness in the world.

A perfect dream.

Reunion

2006-05-29T11:58:00.000+08:00

I've Found What Was Missing,

That was i was searching in my troubled sleep.

When i lay to face my once again troubled heart, i shut my eyes..

and i see him. the man who brought a smile to my face, that calmed down the storms.

he shone a light so bright, i'll never i have to walk in the dark again.

he gave me many reasons to smile and look forward to tomorrow.

i'd look into his eyes and see fire burning thru a sapphire, the light dancing when he smiles.

Mark A. Kelly: I Love You.

A Quad Reconciles

Khairul, Shikin, Elfie, Daryll, Khad, Malia, Wati Su & Kumar

All In Da House: Ma House

2006-05-13T15:22:00.000+08:00

Different Distance

No. He says. He doesn’t have any doubts. Feeling confident of a happily ever after for the both of us. Looks that way he says. I don’t doubt my feelings for him. It's there, it’ll always be there. I don’t doubt his feelings either. It’s just the distance. Everyday, I wonder, even for the briefest moment, if this is all real. If HE is real because when everything starts looking good, we women would wonder. Excuse me for thinking like a woman.
Now I know why the gents get irritated with the ladies when they do. In their minds, they would be wondering why we can’t be satisfied with what we have. Why can’t we take things for what they are? Well you see gentlemen, if we did, then we’d all be homosexuals because then there’d be no difference between us. We’d all be men. Pardon us for that’s just the way it is.
So I’m entitled to have my fair share of doubts. It’s because I love you that I think so much. It’s because I care that makes me so worried about us. It’s because I treasure your existence that I don’t want to lose you. So let me dwell in my misery, confuse myself in worries and anxieties and go crazy. If that’s what it is like to love you then so be it. I’ll go through it. Endure it. Make it. Hopefully with that happily ever after as an ending.
I do belong to you. My whole heart belongs to you. Some may beg to differ, saying that I’m too young to say this, to young to know what it is but what better advice to follow then your own? Who knows me better than I do? So I’ll take my chances. I’m so spoilt. So used to getting what I want. This would be the first time I have to work hard for something I want so much. Even my dad can’t help me out on this one. So listen to me world! Khad has an announcement to make! From now onwards, I’m going to decide things pertaining to my love life myself. I don’t care if I soar way beyond my boundaries. I don’t care if I’m at risk of falling from that kind of height. I know it’ll hurt if he leaves, but I will cherish every moment, treasure every memory we have together. Even our teasing texts. Still brings a smile to my face baby. Even now. =p Even if goes away, but since he is still here, I’ll tell you, I’ll tell him. I love him. I love him very much. I love you darling. I love you very much. I love you Mark. I really do.

2006-04-07T12:50:00.000+08:00

Hair-Hair...

Hair-pee Burp-Dey Sue-High-La!!

Siti Nursuhaila Bte Sulaiman

Happy Birthday to dear Sweet Girl.
A present From Malia
Sweet wishes and See You on 15 April Perhaps...

Khad. [cantik tak aku, pakai baju t-do shop in? =)]

2006-04-05T12:46:00.000+08:00

You won't believe it!!

Studying for Biology Paper on 040406.

Me and the one and only Dr. Martini. Inseparable!

Mark A. Kelly

This Is The Love Of My Life

2006-03-31T12:15:00.000+08:00

A Walk Down Memory Lane

31 May 2006

Happy Birthday Malia!!!

August 1987....Then there was me...

Sometime after that, somethings went haywire..
Then I found a click of friends alike...
....and i can safely say it runs in the family

2006-03-24T15:07:00.000+08:00

Khad's Back! Larger Than Live!

do you see what you do to me?

just 1 mail just 1.

my nerves are going haywire.

your touch would be sensual enough to send my brains splattering.

MARK YOU'RE GOOD!

2006-03-23T12:52:00.000+08:00

hey hey. is it that easy to recite i love you to anyone without meaning it? or has the phrase been used and heard too frequently that it no longer bears any meaning?it would seem so. i've only heard in songs and stories on how it's expressed and about how fine and demure LOVE is.

How fragile it is. how affections run thru deep in its veins and the emotions it carries with it. But that's fiction. will it ever be reality? my guess is as much as yours, too manyt imes has it been abused, shamefully by yours truly herself. but i do not know the meaning too. haven't got the chance to feel it really. true i have my family and friends. but u know wat i mean.
once i tot i had, now it seems like it's gone. really close that one time i too buy too good to be true.
it ended before it even started. it costed a lot as well, my nights and dollars, knowing every single moment and cent was worth it. I'm not glad it's gone, dont even know if it really is.you were gone for so long while i'm stuck frozen in time left with nothing but wondering thoughts about where you are, what you're doing, how come u havent call, how come u could bear not letting me hear your voice( by the way it's killing me not being able to hear ur husky breaths at my ears), or at least let me knoe that you're alive. Just wanna know.

been asked how come the distance hasn't swayed my distinctive glow of happiness and perkiness in my walk and speech. how come the oceans and separation doesn't seem to have made me appear sullen and moody, angered and unaffected. Should I have shown? to make myself feel better and then hate you? could i ever? i asked myself that question everyday.
what do i do? cry in silence, tremble in darkness i guess. you often spoke of the kisses we couldn't have, cuddles and warmth we couldn't share. i'm not crazy. i'm not fazed. i'm in complete control of myself and i'm sound. or so it seems. i'm not psychotic. i'm not drunk. don't like leaving things hanging unanswered.

i write in words hoping you would read. send it in thoughts hoping you'd hear. if u decide that we'd walk in different dirrections, let it be ultimately that we walk in opposite directions.

i'm sorry if i sound clingy, if i sound foolish, hell, it took me living guts to have it here. swallowed pride and ego to tell you so now your turn. tell me you're living, you're happy. tell me you're well cos tat'll make me happy. Just tell me something. i'll be damned if i have to go thru life not knowing. tell me sweetheart. tell me, love. something. anything.

2006-03-21T10:23:00.000+08:00

20 March 2006

Relaxing By the Pool...

Khad & Malia

Suhaila & Malia
Reliving the old memories of Yuying Secondary School together.
Suhaila & Khad
Khad & Malia

DA Lapar SEH... Masak Sendiri..

Sebelum tu.. shopping dulu[aik malia jual susu?]
penat kat swimming pool. suhaila gula dah naik lah tu..
a girls' day out!!

2006-03-13T15:16:00.000+08:00

Sunday extravaganza @ CCK!!

Lulu Elisha...trying to look like me.
there is a first time for everything

The vogue but CRAZY GERL! Kamaliah Halim!

Happy me

2006-03-10T20:11:00.000+08:00

Bring in The Balls, I'll start the Rolling!!

Done with the rolling. gots to sit and think about how to spend

the coming holidays..

Got tired of thinking... SO had to lie down before i hurt myself.

i look like an ANGEL.

HAHA!! Just kidding. Still standing strong okay!!

2006-03-03T11:19:00.000+08:00

Dilemmas Of Independence: Khad's Story

hello, 1119 on a friday. the only friday i dont have to go home @ 2000 and i am at school. PHEUUWWW!! had a busy week holiday. 10 march is still a long way to go before those 3 very different stooges come back from BRUNEI. 10 march will also be Afandi's birthday. small world it is. anyway, going to gran's house after this the moment i finish downloading the bleach episodes. i really have to really on Nick for the Naruto episodes! so NICK! ONEGAISHIMASU! =) olrite. mom told me this morning that dad's getting a car for me but somehow i was rude enuff to tell her i dont need it to come from them.

i knoe my life long principle has always been: "What Khad Wants, Khad Always Gets"

it's true 90% of the time so far. i've been enjoying it so far. all i have to do is want it, tell my dad and he'll get it for me. i havent for anythign ridiculous of course and my dad is not crazy enuff to oblige if it was. his ego is as huge as his pride and it is the same for me in that case. thats why i tot it was about time i did things on my own. i cant forever depend on them. it's a nice feeling but everyone else is getting a car with their own money or taking their licence with their pocket money and savings. Me? I just ask from dad. if i don't start working soon, i'll never be able to get up on my feet in time.

i dunno if i should talk to my dad/mom about this. i think it'll just hurt their feelings. i hope i'll figure this out on my own and soon and eventually tell them about it. gently... *sighz*

ok...
thatisitfornow.jyane!

Khad

2006-03-01T10:31:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the beach issue!!!

He was there!!!
so i'm happy!!!
then he left, so i m alone...
saw my friends... i started laughing

it's a crazy world i know....

khad

frenz

2006-02-23T14:10:00.000+08:00

Psycho team
khad & Kin
Zarina Practicing the kiss of life
Memoirs of a class

Sam all ready to run!
Sally & Peifen
NR 0401
Errr... Adnan???

hehe moments of glory shared

2006-02-22T12:06:00.000+08:00

2006-02-21T10:37:00.000+08:00

More Friends

Barney Ladies
jasPIG Chiu
Barney Ladies The Sequel
Like Bollywood Movie
Siamese Twins?
Jas, Ain, Ila

2006-02-20T16:08:00.000+08:00

2006-02-20T10:33:00.000+08:00

Friends To Cherish

Jasmine Melor Lana Swensen Chiu
Hs 2035: Peifen, Sally, Khad, Shikin, Jian Li, MaQiang & Warric
Pei Fen & Sally

Running Athletes

The People I Love

Siti Asmah

Siti Hajar

Sometimes, the things worth protecting in life are closer than you think. They'd be right with you but you won't know it. They might be in front of you but you cant see it.

If only we all would just take the time to look a little bit harder and appreciate those around us, we'll see that those around us are all we need to get thru life.

Everything can go crazy in life. No matter how alone you think you are, you'll always have someone to turn to. But you cannot wait. Bring yourself forward.

2006-02-15T14:44:00.000+08:00

The Crazy One

i'm running after LOVE GENERATION this time..
starring my one and only "Takuya Kimura" & Takako Matsu. She played with him in Long Vacation & HERO. I saw the special edition and now dying to get my hands on the series. SO SWEET!. Kimura plays a character called KATAGIRI TEPPEI & Takako plays UESUGI RIKO. Workmates. the plot is so damn funny. sweet too. involving lots of jealousy, sacrifice and quarrels. Takako & Kimura have a good on-screen chemistry.

work it!! Haha! not likely! hardly have time to do my own stuff these days. always busy doing school stuff. always with books or on the com or if not, i'm in school. that's it.

Khad.

2006-02-13T16:11:00.000+08:00

Hello.
Weekend’s over and back at school. I was ill this past couple of weeks. Went to the doctor twice in one week. First it was the flu then the rashes, which lasted for 4 darn days. Just a few nights ago, I had a bad muscle-ache. A very bad one. I couldn’t sleep at all. Tossing and turning, tossing and turning. Tried all possible positions to sleep but nope, couldn’t get any at all. It was horrid and restless. Even breathing was a problem. I got so scared. I went out to the balcony at 0200 to do squats and push-up. Then I sat down for a while before going back into my room. Started counting my pulse at different areas and kept on going until my eyes fell tired. I slept with the light on until dawn. Feeling better already.. thank god.
Anyway, I went to IMM yesterday and got me self a few things and some for asmah. Went with her. We ate at LJS before taking a cab home. Can you believe it? The cab fare was S$14.30! So expensive. But we couldn’t help it. I was rushing for prayer time. Made it just in time. Haha! I started watching NARUTO a couple of weeks back and now I’m hooked to it. I had nick burn a few episodes. THANKS NICK! =)
So I guess that’s the update for now. Jya Matta Ne!

2006-02-01T11:42:00.000+08:00

hewwo!!

went to beach yesterday and did crazy stuff... here's the images. i believe pictures paint a thousand words.

Yours Truly

Don't cha wish ya girlfriends were HOT like us?!

After medication

Takes one to know one

bitches on the beach

2006-01-06T14:20:00.000+08:00

Good afternoon. School so far is good. i must say i'm enjoying myself so far. lectures were bearable and i quite like it. today is friday and i have to go home @ 2000hrs. pathetic i know but it's not like i have any other things to do during the weekend but projects. so i'm going to make this short because i have research to do at the moment.
Life begins with a cry from ourselves, marking the start of a journey and it ends with hopefully cries of sadness from family members and loved ones who would remember you. It is then that your legacy lives and it is then that the measure of your impact you've made in this world.
Should you ever feel that death is morbid and tormenting, think again. you could feel forever young and so on and so forth but do you really think that youth will be around forever? Even love does not have the power to make youth stay with you. It is something you're given and destined to lose. The only thing that you'll remember is the vivid memories that you will bring with you. that is, if you don't grow senile and forget. you can go for plastic and you can change the way you look and seal yourselves under a mountain of make-up but it will be washed away. Embrace death as a coming attraction and live life to the fullest and discover new things, move on and do not dwell on the past so much. do not get angry to often. don't cry buckets. don't hate too much neither should you fall too deep into love. for every second you waste on these emotions, you've wasted your youth. Cherish it.
It will be the greastest regret of your life if you do not make your mark and make yourself worthy of remembering.

Khad.

Celebrations

2005-12-23T13:14:00.000+08:00

[The Crazy Life That We Lead]

My Greatest Fall

2005-12-23T12:49:00.000+08:00

my greatest regret was to have lived and yet be dead to the eyes of the world.

the term holiday is soon coming to and end and i have been so happy i dont wish for it to end. attachment at SGH-Ward 47 was so memorable. the staff there was so friendly and welcoming you could have worked 24 hours there and still not feel tired. The respectful thing about them is that they treat us equal and yet they teach when we make mistake. They supervise as they order. It has been a real pleasure working for them. Nothing would make me happier if i were to be sent back to that ward. Would be the posting to look forward to. I brought Asmah out to the park, the shopping centres and all. had loads of fun... Did i mention I watched HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE with Nicole and Jasmine on the release date itself? We had lots of fun. I know, Nicole, Movies.... Stunned. But love for POTTER changed it all. Who can blame her? Anyway it's not everyday that Cole joined us for movies. Hold it. I'm still loyal to my TK alright. No way. Radcliffe we share. TK is mine... ALL MINE!! Wahaha.. Just kidding. anyway Happy holidys everyone!!!

White Christmas @ Snow City!!
Love and Holiday
Happy Christmas & Merry New Year!!

Khad.

The Happy Story

2005-10-20T15:31:00.000+08:00

Hi.. me and jasper darling.. were talking about something cute yesterday and knowing that i was fan of Takuya, we made up alil story about where babies come from n the process, according to the drama titles.
Check this out..
From me & Jasper sweetie..

We were leading a BEAUTIFUL LIFE together. Days were happy nad our lives were full of content. I never felt so much happiness before. Not even the greatest flaw can make me hate him. He is just the best. But there was one thing missing though. we didn't have a junior to tease and everything. of course we were happy with just us in our own world but we need our love to be seen by the world.

We needed to create out own LOVE GENERATION. Something or someone that we can show the world to. Show the world that there is still love in this world...

So we went on a LONG VACATION to a very remote island where nobody could find us.. no one can ever disturbor destroy our mission. Sweet "SENDIMENTAL" island that elimintate all traces of hatred and eveil in this world. There was only me, him & love. It was like on another planet. Only that AIN wasn't there to destroy it.

Then deep into the SLEEPING FOREST we ventured till all serenity and tranquility was found. Nothing could stop us. Except that I forgot to switch off my handphone. And of all the times in the world.. i thought it was that dumb ex-boyfriend that wanted to braeak us up.. but it was a multimedia messgage. It was a song..a voice recording. Guess what song.. " I WAS BORN TO LOVE YOU." I was so touched..

So.. We wished each other GOOD LUCK!! Before we all hell broke loose oin our flight. He was the captain, i was his crew. It was a beautiful flight. No turbulence. Smooth ride.

We forgot the world the time and everything else that lived. It was just us.. US.. in our own world. Our love was our PRIDE. Soon everyone will be able to see our lil PRIDE. Our lil SATONAKA. WAhahahaa!! The idea of the agem was to score a goal. Boy was he a sharp shooter!!

So That was That from the book of love...

Khad.

2005-10-14T10:58:00.000+08:00

Hello! Hello! Hello!! Back from KKH, Pediatrics attachment! Cool. Met so many new friends.. Amongst: Liyana, Ernest, Winston, Xian Hui.. Cool cool people man. enjoyed it. was with nicole, jasmine. So i had a blast. nothing wrong with that right? Haha!
Yesterday's yesterday, i went out with suhaila. Old school friend. She's old haha! Just kidding. She's a sweet friend! Nothing like her when it comes to disturbing people. (And this is not just for show) She's a darling. Hasn't changed a bit. exactly the way i knew her and loved her. ^_^ So so happy yeah yeah. Oh yes!
By the way.. see the pic next to this entry? look what it says.. YES! "BEAUTIFUL LIFE" Starring my one and only Takuya Kimura!! Ahaha!! Finally watched it. Got it at a nearby shop at suhaila's place! WHohooo!! It was nice. Didn't beat ENGINE thou!! Haha. I passed BIO-Miracle. Just had psychology..not too long ago. the paper sucked big time. exams are drawing near. and we are in the middle of the fasting month. doesn't feel like ti thou...just as per normal. cooked for the past two days. bought 2 pairs of soles..(shoes la).
Did I tell you? My friend showed a pic to his fren and is setting me up with his fren. Cute right? Not! But never mind. Nothing wrong with making new friends eh? (^_*).. *Hehe(Evil plan brewing)* Okay That's it for now .. Gotta got back to work!

Chao!
Khad.

2005-09-16T15:04:00.000+08:00

I am..
Me the way I
sleep...

Exactly the way ..

as when i am wide awake.

Khad

2005-09-16T14:56:00.000+08:00

*''"'**-... Looking Fine... SO fine ...-**'''''*

...No matter how straining!!

Everything is So New

2005-09-15T19:08:00.000+08:00

*Takuya Kimura*
Hello.. I'm exam stressed at the moment so pardon me if i sound like a complete idiot. Been a while since i updated. I already turned 18 on 20 august. Happy me. Happy life. I gotten myself a Cat since then. His name is Choco. Cute? Not. It's like Chucky reborn.
Anyways. changed my blog appearance to give credit to my all time craze, Takuya Kimura. Been watching him quite a lot lately. Who can blame me? Look at him!! Ahhh...
Anyway.. Super cute. Super hot.

he plays in super cool dramas. Japanese of course. the latest one is ENGINE. I bought it a while back. the theme and story line is warm and hearty. He plays as Jiro Kanzaki, a racer who comes back to an orphanage(sorta) home, managed by his foster father and sister. watch it yourself if u wanna noe more. LOL!!

I'm still in school right now. 1914hrs. I'm going home now. Too cold already. Chao!

Johnny.Chocolate.Ain.Takuya.Movies.Radcliffe.Mark

2005-08-04T11:35:00.000+08:00

somethings in life you just cant forget. friends. idols. fav food. loveof your life. i have all of them. never gonna live without them. My wish list would never exclude them. If i were to be stranded on a forsaken island with nothing but the skies and beautiful palm trees, white sandy beaches and foamy ocean waves, the things i would like to have and the people i wish to be by my side..

laptop
digital camera
handphone
wallet
takuya kimura
daniel radcliffe
ain
johnny depp
chocolate
chocolates
ice cream
Mark A. Kelly
brad pitt(maybe.. for ain..)

thats it i guess. chocolates for everyone. ice cream for me and mark. depp for ain, kimura, radcliffe and kelly for me. haha. cameras are essential of course! if not.. how would we capture all those beautiful moments together?

beautiful sunsets.. sunrise with loved ones... (of course my parents would be on they 2nd honeymoon to be fair) with chocolates and ice cream at night..while we lay on the white sands for star gazing.. the little balls of lights sparkling like diamonds and glass scattered across the big blue velvet sky.. Captain Jack Sparrow will of course sing for us.. "Da da da da da.. Da da da da da.. and really bad eggs." Around the campfire, cracking jokes... having fun and feeling loved.. loved? maybe excited and turned on... who wouldn't be with all those gorgeous hotties around? Especially MY Mark..

~!!(*,*)!!~ *drEaMz* if only.... if only...... that would be very VERY nice. i think i shall dream of it tonight and smile tomorrow morning! FOR ITS FRIDAY tmr... i hope the week ends with a good note.

well then... OH YES!! i'm watching charlie and the chocolate factory today.. with jasmine..

see ya!!

khad!

JOhnNy HunNNy

2005-05-31T12:14:00.000+08:00

hello.. had a friend..
well we're still friends. his name is johnny.. JOhnny my hunny. back in school when we were classmates. he was a funny nerd and i was, well, me. didnt expect me to be roaming with nerd now didja? but johnny was different. johnny was johnny. if u knew johnny.. u'd think that nerds are cool. u dun have to be cool to be great. johnny was great. he was funny sweet and everything else.
we'd joke in class with missy wongebaba. lol. there was this one time, i shoved a pic of myself into his wallet. i made him swore that he'd have the pic forever. well he still does. for a hell two long years plus. well he says he still does. didnt know of another man as sweet. except MARK but he's a god.. that's different. Johnny is a friend. we chat yesterday. he reminded me of something i forgot, so embarassing. there was this one time when johnny decided to be funny and then johnny tugged on my bra strap. for jokes sake.. nothing sexual. i hope. (0_o) gulp!
Guess what i did? I made a sharp turn around and slapped his face. Yep. Jus like in the dramas where the fierce heroine would. well.. i was fierce but not a heroine. Whoa! Johnny said he can still feel it. Johnny Johnny Johnny. I was hard-hearted enuff not to apologise to him for it. but i did yesterday. didnt i johnny?
Lol.. he'd say "No! No! No! You stay where you. DOn't come near me!" to me and fadhila everytime we come close to pinch him or tease him. Haha. Those were the good old days. Ain't it Johnny Hunny?
Well JOhnny has changed now. no more mr-bully-me-and-i'll-do-nothing, but someone more confident and hell more stylish than before! Whoohoo.. there's plenty more with Johnny if u ask me. Sitting in skeleton warrior's class together sometimes studying, sometimes well.. we laugh. in between classes we'd crack out with laughter together with sick-lame but funny jokes. we're intellectually crazy man. johnny my man. johnny is the man. uSed to order johnny around so much i was like a queen. sending Johnny to the canteen from the 4th floor to get me a drink or something. Bad me bullying poor Johnny. But That aint the Johnny now. oh.. i'm telling u. U mess around with Johnny.. "SOMEBODY'IS GOING TO GET HURT REAL BAD! SOMEBODY. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY WHO. BUT SOMEBODY." Haha. remember that johnny?
okok that's all about johnny. Johnny my man.

OK. thats all. Oh btw.. johnny,
For every JOHNNY that is highlighted, is an apology from me for all those times i was nasty to you pal... forgive my rudeness and impulsive ness. (^_^'''') ok?
friends forever.

Prof Khad.
MBBS PhD In Bitchiology.
University of Gotham City.

crazy life we live in

2005-05-26T18:12:00.000+08:00

the crazy life we lead.
so unpredictable and unsure. but tat makes things more interesting for human sometimes. u never know what lies ahead of you. u can only plan things but u cannot make them happen unless it is with god's grace. do you know what it means to be loved? lucky you. better to have loved and lost than to not love at all. BUT it is better to not love at all rather than to have love and lost. Always better that way. You dun get hurt and you don't hurt anyone at all.
crazy but true. you can never evade love. there is no one is this world who is born unloved. those who dont'have lovers are loved by friends. not by friends, by family. not by family, by parents. not by parents by god. not by god then it is only yourself who has chosen not to be loved.
that is the beauty of love. you're always loved 24-7. but to feel that love, you need to want to be loved. if not, no amount of miracle can salvage your dark and fallen soul.
start with loving urself, then ur parents or your surrounding, and you'l see the beautiful side of life, world and humanity.
for me, i have yet to find the meaning of it all. i cannot say that i have not fallen into love's traps before, i have but there is nothing that i can do about it but to learn and see the beauty of it.

had i not learnt, i would never have known. in my stories, heros and heroines fall in love and live happily ever after. but things dun usually go that way. my characters always have to undergo a SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS. then they pass thru the realm of discovering their courage. never know if that one person you deny the very most might be the one who loves you the very most.

my dad, he says he doesnt look back. neither do i. we bring the past into our future, my father and i becos we learn from it. We dont hate. We just remember your faults. FOREVER. only then will you know how much u have hurt us.

but tht is the beauty of it all. you love you'll get hurt, happiness all in one.
Love is truly an all rounder if u ask me..

OH HAppY BaRfDae To GrannY!
sHe's 65 tmR. I LoVe You.

Khad.

2005-05-26T03:27:00.000+08:00

.
0328 am it is!

i know call me mad.. i dun care.. i have been in front of the computer for five hours.. editing my moronic blog. Now it looks fabulous! HEhe.. Anywayz.. I'm tired.. but happy. had a wonderful day outside and at home. Well I guess tat's short notice. i'll be updating the JUSTICE LEAGUE blog tmr if i have the time. Eh? Jya Ne.

Oyasuminasai!
Sayonara!

Good Night!
GoodBYe!
Khad.

his the one

2005-05-23T02:09:00.000+08:00

I'll tell you why i'm happier alone..

i'm not single becos i chose to be..
i'm not alone for no reason..
i'm not perfectionist. i'm not materialistic(not exactly)
but i am used to getting the best in everything..
how can i let my boyfriend be an exception?
you make my heart race even when ure not around
i smile like a child in his mother's arms when i look at you.
such tranquility, such insanity.. all at the same time.
how can it be?then again, how can it NOT be.. It's you. Of course it can be.
everytime a good boy comes along, impresses me.
then went i finally tot he was, im reminded of your existance.
of the times u made me smile like i was in fairytale land.
of the times u made millions of butterflies flutter like wild in my stomach.
of all those times u made me shy away from my screen..
every single time i try, i will remember you.
i will remember all those things.
i will always remember tht there is a perfect man.
he just isnt here.. yet. isnt here yet.

KHad.
TO him who makes me smile whenever he signs in.. LOL

2005-05-18T11:57:00.000+08:00

Helloooooooo.....fellow cats and purrs~

Ohisa Shi Bure Danne!! Been a long time!
yep first part of the attachments are over and holidays are here... anyway... good to be back.. just changed my mobile number.. new phone.. getting a new notebook. wahaha! finally.. my dreams have come true. thanks to mom... love ya. dad was the one who bought my phone.. looks like my barfdae gifts come in early this year. LOL!!

Okay that's all..
keep in touch.
Missing Marc.. I'll see you online soon

KHAD
Prof. MBBS.PhD. Bitchiology
University of Gotham City

2005-04-06T09:19:00.000+08:00

the littlest things makes thme smile.
my parents, my late aunt, my grandparents. just show the lil child inside of you and they melt and they smile. it's good to grow and still remain a child to them. it signifies taht u respect them and know your place in their eyes. most kids out grow their parents, so did i physically but not mentally. i always let them take over somethings in my life and at the same time, telling them that i have grown, trust me..

anyway, yesterday blogger was down, but i wanted to tell you that i'm currently watching GOOD LUCK! on Channel U.. it's so cool. starring Takuya Kimura.. my long lost idol. havent seen him for a while and he appears just as vic disappears.. haha .. fantazy neva diesz... lol.. anyway.. im in school much doing my stuff and doing my e learning. that's all. i miss mark alot thou. havent heard from him for some time now.

prof. khad
mbbs bitchiology

2005-03-31T11:14:00.000+08:00

the greatest battle ever isnt fought on a battlefield but within
ourselves

whenever you think of battles, you think of the army and soldiers.

whenever you think of battles yout hink of bloodspills and war.

whenever battle is mentioned you think of death.

whenever you think of battle you think of a battlefield.

But let me tell you one thing.

not all battles are fought on the battlefield.

in every battlefield, there is a commander.

did you know that in every commander, there is a battlefield?

the greatest battle ever fought did not occur in Iraq or Japan.

it goes on for years yes, but it lies in all of us.

everyday there is a battle going on inside ourselves.

every minute our bidy is fighting an all out war.

A battlefield goes on inside of me. A war.

controversy, contradictions and conflict.

there is no need for killing. no need for bloodshed.

just your confidence and will.

and when you attain victory here,

it is then that you can say,

i have fought the greatest battle there can ever will be,

.....and i won...

Prof. Khad

MBBS. PhD in Bitchiology

2005-02-24T10:49:00.000+08:00

ICA OVER!!
WAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!so happy together.. and hols are coming up before exams.. but i dont give a damn.. ICA is over olredy! we did olrite but yeah.. im glad it's over olredy.. so now in com lab of course listening to zaizai song of course and blogging in oltogether. in touch with justice league and happy all about it.. found some new cool picxs of him and sesshomaru.. im going home soon and im so happy about it im going to jump for joy right now.. im glad that it's all over!!! thank you team green. Malliga, Ila, Ain, Qin Fang, Miao Yi, Jason and Me of course.. today is SAM's birthday.. HAPPIE BARFDAE SAMANTHA!!

Kat out..
MBBS

2005-02-23T11:51:00.000+08:00

hello moto.
like the phrase hate the brand. but never mind. i didnt go and watch the darn movie that day cos something came up. but might be watching movie this friday with the gals and planning for a trekking session during the hols after the camp. stress relief exercise lah. wahaha. exams are coming up already. havent really start studying but will start soon. dont worry. kekez.. card finishing soon olredy. right now im in school. this week has been very hectic and tiring. im mostly sleeping at home nowadays. im that shacked! not shagged. lecture just now qas comical with shikin scarming along with dumb but comical jokes. i swear that woman drives me up the wall but she's nice. and crazy did i mention crazy? she's a lunatic. a cute lunatic thou. okay.. been really tired these days and i cant help but sleep. dad's going back to work tmr. and tmr i have ICA. i woke up late for school today wuld you believe it? for an 8 o'clock lecture, i woke up at 0715. sick or wat? imagine the rush. took the cab. dropped at school. didnt run. bumped into ain along the way. that's y i didnt run. cos i wasnt that late. other than that everythign else is peachy.. thanx for asking.. will update a poem i wrote a couple of days ago.. see ya..

Prof Khad.
MBBS

2005-02-21T13:30:00.000+08:00

hi baby..
wahaha.. lovely weekend.. great monday morning, great day at school. now in the lab of course doing project stuff again. members are here too and well. Black Hawk Down yesterdae was so cool i cried at some parts. but it's ok. haha. dad is at home. he sprained his ankle on friday on saturday i brought him to TTSh. Cute doctor Daniel tan.. hehehe.. anyways.. he rested at home for the weekend and coming till wednesday. going to see finding neverland today after school if everything goes well..

see ya then.
Khad
MBBS

2005-02-07T13:11:00.000+08:00

goodbye nanyang polytechnic
hello people.. here in com lab with my "bestest pals".. miss nanyang.. wahaha.. somehow i think that.. urgh nevermind. we're doing our project right now and doing compilation.. im with ain and gang.. never mind that.. so darn bored.. a day to go to CNY..
Gong Xi Fa Cai!!

khad

2005-01-31T13:29:00.000+08:00

goodbye world.
hectic weekend. nick's in CGH with dengue fever. im in school with GP III. supposed to be a rehearsal but dumb jason aint here. so postpone. we have tutuorial after this. ICA this wednesday. wahaha.. nana gave me bangs on my forehead. yep she cut my fringe. i look like a DOLL!! heavens sake. so not me. i think ms kamala is going to kill me if i end up in the same attachment with her again and she sees it.
anyways..we were posing for a "photo shoot" yesterday in my room.. steamy pics and funny poses.. from nana. not me.. haha..
ok thats for it..

prof khad out.
MBBS PhD Khadiology

2005-01-27T13:43:00.000+08:00

Heelloo...
in school. done with CBT bandaging. viewing zai zai pics and jasmine is beside me right now and so is pei fen, sally, malliga & jason. the other 3 stooges are having lunch. i had mine already earlier so im not hungry. listening to the cd right now too and so bore so i tot or blogging in. jas's new obsession is with this fella called SKY.. Oops.. She's into Kenny Kwan. quite cute actually.. SHE's SKY high. hahaha... anyway.. school is so tiring.. i dont even have energy to fold my clothes at home. there's a pile. i dont know when to finish it actually.. i invited ila to my house on saturday for the project.. she's agreeable.. so tht's set then.. friday meeting kumar to go down to school.. YUYING here comes MISSY KHAD!!

Yours,
Prof. Khad
MBBS. KHADIOLOGY

Sometimes late at night..

2005-01-19T10:41:00.000+08:00

sometimes late at night.. i lie awake..
dreams are all so fake and confusing.
but that's not the point here. i'm in school right now and NYP is having an open house today and tmr...cool? it's alright. school is flocked with kids from secondary schools today.. they are a mess man.. never seen such horror..hahaha.. sorrie kids.. Xue Jie here doesnt like massive invasion. what more a multiple invasion from small earthlings.. hahaha.. ok never mind.. will soon get to meet you guys and hope u guys are nice pple. ok that's all..

Prof.Khad.
MBBS.

2005-01-10T10:52:00.000+08:00

Hello! Hello! Hello!

finally updated my blog and im super happy about it. new songs.. new background.. new me. sesshomaru seems so me. becos i have been down so long. finally things are looking up and im bright about it. evanescence rocks and althou there's no more inuyasha, i'll buy the VCD instead. darn helsing. stupid anime compared to INUYASHA. but never mind. im all smiles i dunno why.. maybe becos of mark. thanks baby. my friends are all around me. sun is shining brightly over my head im glowing!!

khad.
Muacks.

School Started!

2005-01-05T11:32:00.000+08:00

everything is going haywire! school has started and i am so stressed up olredy and it's only the first week of the semester. the timetable is so hectic on top of everything else, so much has changed. that much. home life has been going great and so has friendship but errr... something is not right somewhere and i dont know what to do about it. i dont even know where the problem lies.
there's this thing with the tsunami disaster. it shows there is still love and care in the world. i m ambivalent about this disaster. im partly happy because on one hand, it eliminates the world's attention on war and focuses on helping the people affected by the disaster, which is SOOOO much better isnt it? on the other hand, it destroys home, families and happiness of all the victims. recovering from the trauma would be a hefty task.
then again.. im in school! i olredy bought the DARN MARS vcd. costed me a F***ing $50.00 sia. but i liked the show and i watch it everyday.almost. im still watching inuyasha.. loving it always..
ok.
so im quite happy right now. for the moment. dont know how long it will last but i'll enjoy every minute of it so long as it's still around..

signing out,
lurvin..Mr Kelly
DaXiaoJie
Khad

DaXiaoJie Goes Anime Craze!

2004-12-23T14:32:00.000+08:00

wassup big A!!
i am so into anime right now. especially INUYASHA. the cartoon is so hip and funk man.. you should watch it yourself. ARTS CENTRAL: 2330. I know it's a lil late for children so not for me. YEAH! The anime series rocks like hell. aLL in favour say ANIME! haha. i own a VCD series but it's not complete yet. cos im still looking for "MARS" the VCD series starring ZaiZai & Da S of Meteor Garden. Anyone with info on where i can get them.. pls pls pls email me: khadradcliffe@hotmail.com subject: MARS FOR KHAD. like that. other than that life has me smiling always these days and i'm loving it. back to school soon and im fanatical about it. wahaha. anyways.. remember if anyone reads this and knows where i can get MARS the VCD not CHOCOLATE.. email me. i'm searching always. i guess im smiling becos of mark. nice guy. perfect qualities. he's a god. a goofy one thou.

Loving Inuyasha & Kagome,
ZaiZai & Da S
Forever...
oh yeah.. and mark too

khad

hello world

2004-12-17T11:22:00.000+08:00

hello world. guess who's back?

sorrie for not blogging in for a long time. things have been super crazy for me right now and i dont have any explanation for it. well mark has been in contact. which is the only great thing in my life right now. everything else is peachy. friends are olright. family is going haywire and i am going nuts. maybe i am nuts. hahaha. i miss mark like crazy. mark if u are reading.. hi baby! missed ya voice and well.. i missed you. [muacks]. hello dublin! happy christmas to you. jingle into a blessed 2005 mark. be happy always. any way back to singapore, the weather is a havoc here, one minute rainy..the other sunny..just like my moods. i got my mobile back. my computer's crashed! damn thing olways screws up whenever i needed it the most. im at school now. with ain. ET and CATWOMAN visits NYP for A Festive Greeting. okay..im into INUYASHA these days. it's a cartoon. japanese anime. it's cool granny has yet to coem back from holiday. i miss her alot.. i have no one to disturb when she's no around. love her...miss her.. i went shopping with my parents this week and i m so dead beat..so is my wallet.. it's $0.00 in my wallet right now. talk about broke. well..monay is not the problem right now.. nothing is. so im quite happy..im stress free.. i miss mark...miss mark and oh yah i olmost forgot... I MISS MARK A KELLY!!!!!

Prof. Khad. MBBS. PhD In Bitchiology
SHE'S BACK!
University Of Gotham Cats.

<>

2004-11-10T01:13:00.000+08:00

i have no idea what i'm living for!
u see sometimes i think and i wonder about what the hell im doing on earth. i cry for no reason sometimes. i know it's stupid. well maybe im stupid. i dunno. at times im happy and the next moment im burying my head in my hands and weeping my eyes out. perhaps im going crazy. or maybe im olredy crazy. *sighz* i cant seem to keep track of anything right now and i know i am happier on my own but it's just that i'm not used to be on my own. what happened to the old me? what happened to good ol' bitchy khad? im a damn good actress and this is my play. everyone else is my puppet. if everything was alright, i'd be happy. then again, i dont know what im not happy about in the first place. serious? tell me about it. i jus wanna sit down and just talk to myself but im not able to do that you know why? becos everybody thinks khad/kat is happy. thinks that kat/khad doesnt care. that im strong and that i can do it on my own. well YOU ARE SO DEAD WRONG! im the weakest person you can ever meet. it's just an act this bravery. inside actually im very weak. VERY WEAK. i cry alot. im miserable. but i dont want anyone to know. if u think you know me...YOU ARE SO WRONG. SO WRONG. there isnt a person on this face of the earth that i have been honest to about how i feel and what i'm thinking of. NO ONE. Not as long as you are human or breathing or alive. NOPE.

2004-11-07T14:28:00.000+08:00

Life's confusion led KAT to killed KATHY.

Kathy died for a reason.
kit’s birth was a mistake.
the two never could co-exist.
the truth is, Kat killed Kathy.
the story goes like so..

everyone loved Kathy because she loves everyone.
she falls in love, she falls out of love.
she gets hurt, she cries then she loves again.
she loved all her friends and always wanted them to smile.
Kathy became a toy to all her friends.
she listened to all of them.
got into trouble for them and she still loved them.

Kat’s birth was a mistake in the first place.
one that never should have taken place.
a deceit. a lie. a despicable lie.
but this mistake had a purpose in life.
she hated all that had to do with love.
Kat perceived love to a weakening factor.
something which takes away someone's will.
love deprives one the strength and determination.
that was what Kat perceived love to be.
that was why Kat hated Kathy.

Kat thought Kathy was weak. she did.
Kathy was always crying about love.
worrying about love. being happy about love.
happy about something that was going to make her cry.
Kat thought Kathy was stupid. she did.
falling in and out of love. day in day out.
always in search of something that will break her.

one fine day, Kathy fell in love. deeply in love.
she was happy for quite awhile.
Kat thought she'd give up the chase and let Kathy settle down.
so Kat left. feeling some what dissatisfied. she doesn’t know why.
Kat left miserable. because she has lost her direction. she did.
now that Kathy was settled, Kat gave up.

another fine day Kathy jus had to fall. she did.
Kathy fell out of love. seriously broken.
Kathy cried and broke. she did.
she was so weak she could hardly stand.
she cried so much she could hardly breathe.
she was so tired she could hardly sleep.

Kat didn’t leave Kathy to settle only to see her get hurt again.
Kat got angry. she got very angry.
why did Kathy have to have a heartbreak?
it made life difficult for herself. it did.
Kat couldn’t stand weaklings so she despise Kathy.
so much that it caused a rage within her.
so much that it burns her black when she sees Kathy.
so much anger did she have for Kathy. she did.
storm brew within Kat. a war broke out too.
she got so confused she was infuriated.

Kat was infuriated beyond imagination.
glasses smashed with burning rage.
arson bleached and engulfed Kat’s mind.
she cannot distinguish right from wrong.

Kat fled to a wilted Kathy. she did.
not a moment to lose. Kathy was dead in a matter of seconds.
she lay in a pool of blood. Kathy did.
Kat’s hand was stained with Kathy’s blood.
all over. Kat sat down pondering and smiling.
it was all over. Kathy was dead. no more tears.
hahaha. an evil crackle rang in Kat’s head.

I’m in control. Kathy is dead. she died for a reason.
a reason only she and Kat knew.
a secret which only the two of them knew.
a shared past now that Kathy is dead.

now that Kathy is dead, Kat will be Kathy.
Kat is Kat, but she will take Kathy’s place.
Kat will take Kathy’s place with her own twist.

Kathy died for a reason which only Kat knows,
Kat’s birth was a mistake which only Kathy understands.
do you?

Prof.Khad.MBBS.PhD.
University of PsychoSadisticism.
Gorham City
Copyright of Cat-Puter TM

2004-11-01T23:13:00.000+08:00

Prof.Kat with dumb diarrhoea.ICA-HS1027. a job well-done for my group.cheers guys
Prof.DaXiaoJie

<>

2004-10-31T11:08:00.000+08:00

you left, again and there is absolutely nothing i can can do.
but to stare at night skies and wonder.
wonder is this is the end for us. the end of us.
day by day we drift further apart.far apart.
you keep running off, i keep running after.after you.
it's cold , painful and lonely without you.very cold.
like all life has been taken away.there is no point.

why cant we be like before?loving and loved.
have you found another?or are you tired of me?
this time i wont cry.my resilience will take me thru.
i'll run thru sonatra like i did.like i did before.
sonatra cannot stop me from living.neither can you.
kathy died for a reason. kat's birth was a mistake.
nevertheless i dont regret.not in my vocabulary.
i'll overcome everything that stands between us.everything.
even anyone, even sonatra, even time. even you
time has taken sonatra into it's clutches.tightly.
sonatra embraces me.i try running away.
trapped in a world, not mine but none.different world.
everything is blank.everything is spinning so fast.
i lost.lost control of myself, lost control of you.lost you.
you are spinning away from me.drifting away like before.
like always.i'll run in circles after you.i always do.

life wasnt a symbol of light until you came.
you shone like a star and twinkled like a diamond.
now i losy that star, gone is that diamond.
lost all, lost you, lost again, lost in sonatra.

"sonatra creeps thru like a fog.engulfing me in my own fears, drowning me in my own tears."

exams & computers

2004-10-25T14:20:00.000+08:00

hello..finally able to enter new posts online again...but guess what? I just formatted my stupid computer! it was running to slow with jams here and there.. i had to do it..it's ok now but my PICTURES are GONE!! gone with the wind.. was studying 1033 jus now.. more to cover then i tot.. i havent even started on 1027.. but i will..lol.. ok see ya soon

<>

2004-10-19T16:22:00.000+08:00

Stupid tuesday is here. im in the computer lab with stupid jason on my left. lessons are over and im going home soon. tot i'd drop by and fill in my blog. so here it goes. we had sociology 1st then clinical lab session.. damn..i owe a stupid person a treat at swenson.. well anyway.. he deserved it. anyway..im like super disgusted. dun ask me who.. u should know.. im not going to say..i dont want to get in to trouble right now...ok? anyway.. i changed my blog templates and song..YEah!! Finally..been trying to upload the bloody song since forever..! Thank god! anyway.. fasting for almost a week now.. so far so good. if it wasnt been for that stupid person...i would have a perfect fast...WITHOUT VULGARITIES!!!! really...some pple are just URGH i dunno wad!! hey hey hey i heard this frm dr param.. he said.. pple who fast..live longer life!! thank god.. i knew VIRGINS dun die early!! hehehe! Justice league is officially up..haha..i know it sounds stupid but we do have a couple of stupid pple in it..so it makes sense..anyway.. i gtg kill pple now..so..Tata..
Adios Amigo!

Fridayz..Like Never Before

2004-10-08T14:55:00.000+08:00

This has got to be the worst friday i have ever experienced. First of all. i beagn my day with sociology presentation. lessons end at 1900 today, the lessons are all boring, i m sleepy, i wanna go home...does it look good or what?NOT!! Urgh! it's disgusting. i have never hated friday like this before! it's horrid! it's despicable!!! ITS DETESTABLE~!!!

there is no way this day could get any worse could it? well well well...school is damn boring. thank god there's food and friends[most of them]. the presentation went well..fido wasnt ard..diarrhoea...lol maybe ila pinched a lil too hard...he started to auscaltate everything out thru his ass.. anyway..get well soon.

" The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

Moonlight Sonatra Speaks

2004-10-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

an empty space, an empty mind.
you get scared, terrified u panic.
fear embraces you, choking you.
defensive, you run.
you keep running, as fast as you can.
scared you run, as fast as your legs could carry you.

you cry you run into an empty space,
with absolutely nowhere to go.
with no idea what you are running from
into an empty space you wander.
everywhere bland and white.
everything is dead, everything except you
but then u realize, that you are the only thing there.
you dont even know where you are
why you ended up where you are
how you even got there.

then you remember it all
the same sorrow, misery and foreboding torture
enveloping you once agin, tightenning your mind and soul
the heart cramps, wrenched into a wadded paper.
you stand still, you freeze.

you stood still whilst the world spun.
the world spinning madly against you
what did u ever do wrong? what have u done?
u are so confused, dazed and dizzy
the world was spinning wild
faster than you could ever imagine
faster than anything else
everyinch of you was tearing apart.
death seems such a delightful option.

you start running, faster than ever before,
you faster into the bland white space
no shadows, no reflection, no water, no food
jus white, white, white light and you
you cry tears flowing without a reason
without sorrows, without misery of any known, you cry.
you dont understand anything at all.

what am i running from?
where am i running to?
whay am i running away?
how much longer can i run?

unanswered and stil running. from nothing
bland white, you sweat in panic, your body weakens.
you run still not knowing how much longer can you last.
cry, run, for your survival. but against what?

you cry for help, but there's none but you.
you scream, lungs at the verge of explosion.
you scream, in silence. heard by none. bcos there is none. not even you shadows
the pain was horrid but you still kept going
pain was excruciating. never ending
you remember your mistakes, the pain you've caused.
the pple u've hurt and used.
the hearts you have broken, the people you have wronged.
greater pain as you recall. be it if u die
you hoped they'd forgive you. you understand their cries.
their fears, misery, torture, misfortune.
you wished you could have helped.
sonatra in the moonlight, you wished no one else would have to go thru
the pain you are feeling right now.
never. because it is too cruel for any man to take.
everything dims, you awake, scared.Never.

..:::Today in Life Of Khadiology:::..

2004-09-27T14:49:00.000+08:00

I really dun have anything to wory about now. Now that I know you are happy, I won't interfere. I won't come in your way. I won't hang around. It's not possible, it never was. I wonder why I even bothered in the first place.. Don't worry, I won't cry, because I don't have any tears left to spare. I won't fear because I'm so strong.
You leave, that's fine with me. but don't ever come back. Don't you dare! Don't, because I don't want to hate you, I don't. Just leave quietly and make your presence unknown. I'll forgo everything that we shared, everything that we had. Don't ask me why and don't ask me how come. It's just the way it is ok? Just the way it is.
You don't do the asking of questions here because I have no answers for them. You don't ask me why I did it because you don't have the right to, not anymore. Never you mind how I will carry on. Never you mind if or not I will be ok. Never you mind all that. Never you mind. If I have to break myself, to find the peace to carry on, I will, I can handle it. I don't need you to be my strength, not anymore. Not anymore! You hear me?!
You don't have to stay arount to make sure that I'm alright. You don't have to. I didn't lose anything. Because I cannot lose something that isn't mine in the first place. It's funny how I really feel..neither sad nor angry. Not even disappointed. How come? I was looking forward to be happy, I never was until now. Until now..
It isn't worth wondering who will win now, because I already have, I always do. This, I have told you before. I Won. I'm not just comforting myself. I never had to. Never had.

"Leave From My Sight. Go Away. Leave me..and NEVER come back."

"Because I Don't Wish To Hate You, I Don't..So Just Go..Just Go"

..::[Khad]::..

Prof Khad.MBBS.

PhD In Bitchiology

University Of Gotham City

::Morning Blast::

2004-08-26T09:27:00.000+08:00

Smilez..
sun is shining at last. Light has entered my life finally. Make me smile and brightened my day..so much happiness i am scared. Could the greatest sorrows be nearby? Do I deserve this happiness that i am feeling?but i never want to be sad again...Someone help. but even when i am expressing these worries, i am smiling..bcos i am happy..So much light has shone that i think can never frown again. never be broken again...but thats not possible is it? I'll always break, im im lucky, into two.. anywaysz...I'll just enjoy this moment, bcos For A Moment Like This, I've Gone thru Pain and Horror. TataZ~

::Happily::

2004-08-24T17:37:00.000+08:00

I am so damned happy today!!

I passed my clinical assessment: "Thanks Ms Kamala Devi"
I have this really nice necklace and hu it was from? Malia! Thanx Gurl.
I have cut classes[no tutorial today]
I have no school tmr cos i've done my assessment today..Lalala.
I'm going to the BBQ next tuesday..Haha

A hatrick. Scored THREE in ONE day. Anyway, school was so fun today.I just found out that someone was gone yesterday. My concolensces..Ok! Listen up you people. Those Who Hate ME.. Loathe Me, Despise ME..Ive only got one thing to say to you about that!

"Kill Me?HELL...I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT!!"

Love & Loved.

Khad

.:::Khadiology Speaks Out The Truth:::.

2004-08-23T14:37:00.000+08:00

Sadity has gone by me,
Leaving me with nothing but
Lust, pain & misery..

.::Bitchiology::.

The Only thing that is stopping me
from killing me, is YOU.
Your death will mean mine.
Every second longer you live is
Me walking on a Bed Of Nettles,
Each step more painful than the last..

.:::Khadiology::.
[My Immortal Is Going Under]